One Shots

Those Pity Stares

James never thought he should feel like this. Like he doesn't belong. Like he's out of place. And yet, he does.

He feels like he shouldn't even exist. Like at some point between twelve and now, he should have died somehow. And yet, he didn't.

or, James has planted the idea in his brain that he shouldn't be in the world.

James never thought he should feel like this. Like he doesn't belong. Like he's out of place. And yet, he does.

He feels like he shouldn't even exist. Like at some point between twelve and now, he should have died somehow. And yet, he didn't.

He knows he'll have to tell someone - eventually - what he feels, but he's hoping not to. He doesn't want those pity gazes that they gave to Marlene. He doesn't want those pitying words they gave to Marlene. He doesn't want anything like what happened with Marlene to happen with him.

James was the first Marlene told about what she felt. James might have wanted to say something but decided against it. He didn't want anyone - not even his best friend - to know about it.

James doesn't know how long he felt like this. Just that he's felt like this for as long as he could remember.

"James."

James snaps out of his thoughts. Dark curls come into view. Regulus. "Hmm?"

"What were you thinking about, love?"

"Nothing important."

"Sure didn't seem like it."

"It's nothing. I promise."

***

There's a knock on the bathroom door. "Love, are you ok?"

James hides the knife quickly and wipes the blood from his legs. After he puts his pants back on, he opens the door. "Fine, love. I'm just tired."

"Well, come on then. Time for bed."

***

So far, he has been able to hide the cuts from Regulus. But that might not last for long.

"Happy birthday, love." Regulus says groggily. "I have a surprise for you."

James humms. "Really?" Amusment tinging his voice.

Regulus starts kissing his collarbone and all the way down to his pants. Regulus gasps. "Babe," worry filling his voice, he says, "why?"

"Why, what?" James looks where he's staring and immediately realizes that he's looking at a cut. Fresh from last night. "No, no, no."

He stands up and rushes to the bathroom, locking the door. "Love, please, open the door."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can, love. Open the door."

"I won't."

"Open. The. Door." Regulus' stern voice makes James shiver and unlock it. Regulus walks in and kneels down to James on the floor. "Why would you do that to yourself?"

"I shouldn't be here. I should be dead." James mumbles.

Regulus cups James' face. "Yes, you should be. The world needs someone like you." Regulus has a puzzled look on his face. "Why didn't you tell us when Marlene did?"

"I didn't want the pitying looks. I'm supposed to be all sunshine. Not a pathetic excuse for one."

"You are not supposed to be all sunshine and rainbows. People have their downfalls. Even you, love. Even you."

James' voice cracks as he says, "I'm sorry."

"Never be sorry for something like this, ok? Never. People have their downfalls. It's only human. Hell, you've seen me at my worst. It's only natural I see you at yours. Yeah?"

James nods. "I just want to sleep."

"Ok, but first, tell me where the knife is."

James hesitates but says, "Under the sink."

Regulus rumages around below the sink and pulls out James' switch blade. Regulus sighs. "I got this for you." Regulus turns back around to James and stands up. "Come on, love. Let's go to bed. I'll call everyone tell them not to come today."

***

"Love, come on. You have to. I promised not to tell anyone if you went to therapy. You have to keep your promise."

James sighs. "Fine."