My Mind Is My Enemy

Chapter 17

Sky parked outside of my house. She hooted once just to alert them to open up the gate for me. "I'll see you later then." She smiled. I returned the smile with the knowledge that I'll get to spend more time with her. I wanted to give her a hug but I was hesitant. I didn't know if she'd allow me to hug her or if she did; would she have hug me back?

I exited her car when I saw the gate open up. I waved her goodbye then made my way into the house. A packed basket of food was by the door alongside sunhats, a camping chair and two blankets. This was no ordinary visitation and I wasn't looking forward to it. Having packed like this Viliar always planned to stay longer than her regular two hours.

She came around the corner holding her sun hat in one hand and the other held her sunglasses. "Oh you're here? Good. Help me put these in the car dear." She said to me. I took a shower at Sky's house so I didn't need to get ready. Also borrowed sweat pants and a hoodie from her.

I picked up the basket and followed Viliar to the car. It was hotter than I expected and I had no intention of removing my hoodie. Alexis came out wearing a sundress and sandals. She had asked if I wasn't feeling hot in my outfit and I just shook my head. When everything was packed into the car we all got in. Baron drove the hour drive to the graveyard.

They all began sharing stories about mom and imagined how she would be like now. That everything wouldn't be as it is now; which was true. It would've been way better. Alexis brought up Jasper talking about how he would most likely look like her and she would've loved to be an older sister. I sat silently looking out the window. No matter how hard I tried to tune out their conversations I couldn't.

After a few more minutes of listening to them chitter chatter we finally arrived at our destination. I watched carefully as we drove passed all the other graves; reading as many names on the tombstones. I even managed to read some of the death dates.

Baron parked the car next to mom's grave and I suddenly felt some kind of heaviness. I didn't want to get out the car but I had no choice.

We all got out, grabbed everything from the car then made our way to her grave. I felt a lump and a burning sensation in my throat followed by tears. We placed all our belongings down and just stood there silently. Everyone wore a look of despair. Sadness was heavily felt in the air and I felt my heart drop down to my stomach. I looked up at everyone and they all had their eyes on me. "Rey...I said would you like to say anything to your mother?" Viliar questioned. I had no idea she even said anything in the first place. I shook my head.

I wanted to say a lot but I knew the words wouldn't come out. I knew that I'd sob till I had no energy to speak. So I passed on that and waited for someone else to speak.

Alexis volunteered to. "Hi mom. I just wanted to say that I miss you and that I love you. I also hope that you and Jasper are you. Rey hasn't been doing so well so I ask for you to please watch over her and guide her." She looked at me and I stared at her. She just never learns. She cleared her throat then continued, "Thank you for the love you gave to us even though you went too soon. I'm not mad but just sad. I'll forver love you." She ended. She looked at Viliar and Baron and they both smiled.

Baron went next, he kept it short and simple but Viliar was the complete opposite. She cried so hard that she turned a completely different shade. She sat next to mom's grave and spoke about everything. I stood there as tears ran down my face. Alexis joined Viliar and sobbed in her arms. I felt empty. I yearned for a hug too. I cried my eyes out when Baron pulled me into a hug. He held onto me and I onto him. This was the first time he had shown me any affection. It wasn't awkard in the moment but after we all had our share bit of breakdowns it was as awkward as can be.

We formed a circle on the grass and just spent time with mom. We had a small little picnic and also threw some of mom's favorite snacks and sweets on top of her grave. A tradition Viliar shared with us. It was quite special.