ghost of you | giyuu x shinobu.

10.

• SHINOBU •

He is serious, too serious. My feet steps back from all of his words that came out of his mouth, it's too good to be truth.

I don't know what to say, my fate has decide my future and the future of mine is sacrificing myself for the revenge of my sister's sack, it's about me who died in the battlefield.

I can't burden him with sadness, I like him, I admit I do like him but I didn't expect he would spring out a confession out of nowhere in a random day, my heart is beating for him and sweats is rolling around through my skin flawlessly.

My hand is trembling and I feel like I'm going to fall because of my numbness, I don't know if I should feel happy or sad about it. All these emotions are driving me crazy and I want to cry so bad as tears fill my eyes but I look at the ground, trying to stay strong so I wouldn't look weak in front of him.

"Tomioka-san" I called him and I closed my eyes and a sigh escaped.

"please tell me you are joking" I said and tried to lighten up the mood as I opened my eyes to meet up a cold reaction from him, he is in fact serious about everything.

"I.. I don't know what to say" I added and felt guilty, this is too sudden as I didn't expect that from him, a guy like him.

"do you like me? even in the slightest bit, do you like me, Kochou?" his icy voice asked and I got goosebumps from him, stress entered my mind and I can't give him a clear answer, my heart is rising.

"I..I" I like him, of course, I like him.

Nevertheless, I don't have the right to stay with him forever, I am forbidden to like someone like him or to feel loved by him, he needs to let go of me, I am not the one for him.

The fact that I can't tell him my future plan because he will stop me now for sure, he is insane. My heart is aching so bad, I want him but I can't.

"do you like me, Kochou?" he asked and tried to hold my hand but I quickly stepped back and didn't let him hold my hand.

"what don't you understand? we are impossible.." I exclaimed in a low tone then left him all alone, I didn't want to face him anymore as I turned my back, letting the tears I hold draining my soul.

He is standing at the bridge blankly, didn't think about chasing me as he just stood there accepting quietly with a cold face, looking at the wooden sad bridge as the moon shining at him beautifully, I can't be with him, I just have to accept that I can't, the reality is slapping my face along with the winds, the truth hurts.

The moment I got home, I quickly took a quick shower to shower off my thoughts and it failed miserably, I changed to my pajamas and lay on my bed with my messy hair.

I dress up pretty just for him and come back home looking like a total shit in the trash.

I cover myself with a blanket from the cold and close my eyes, my heart is still beating anxiously and I close my eyes tightly but the pain inside my heart is hurting me, it's eating me alive and I'm struggling to fall asleep and get rid of the thoughts of him.

The night is tough yet gorgeous, the firework is pretty and being beside him brings me at ease from the first start but after that it rushes with a wave of anxiety into my vein. I still remember every sentence he told me with his icy cold voice, with those blue ocean eyes looking over me that made me go insane, with his pretty pink lips, it's driving me crazy.

I can't sleep, I can't find myself sleeping peacefully because his face keeps appearing in my mind which is distracting me, no matter how hard I tried to let myself rest, it failed like a falling short of expectations.