Chris knocked and waited.
No answer.
He tried the door slowly.
"Lin?"
He was standing with his back to the room, staring into the distance.
"Lin" he repeated again quietly, getting no answer.
He went to him and put his hand on his shoulder.
"Hey pal. Ready to go?"
Lin turned but didn't speak, lost in his own thoughts, his eyes glazed showing no emotion.
Chris spoke again.
"It's time buddy. C'mon." he gently rubbed his back. "Let's get your jacket and tie on."
He picked them up off the bed and reached his arms round Lin's neck to knot the tie.
Lin stared at him but no words were spoken.
"Ok, not the best I've ever done but it will pass."
He put his hands on Lin's
shoulders."Today is going to be hell. There's no way to sugar coat it. I'm here with you. I'm with you all the way. If it gets too much just give me the nod and we're out of there. Ok?"
Lin blinked at him and suddenly grabbed his hand. Chris looked at it then back to his face and nodded.
"I've got you. All the way. I'm not leaving your side."
They pulled up to the crematorium and were met with a curtain of flashing cameras as they got out.
Chris ran round to Lin's side of the car muttering under his breath.
"Animals"
He opened an umbrella even though it wasn't raining and positioned it so it hid Lin from view until they got inside.
He walked with him to the front row. Luz, already seated, put her arm round her son as he sat down.
She smiled quickly at Chris and mouthed 'thank you.'
Jon was seated behind them and leaned forward to speak quietly.
"I've got your speech. I'm going to do my best to do it justice."
Lin kept looking at the floor.
Chris turned to Jon and shrugged slightly.
"Sorry, I thought I'd come and say hello."
Chris looked up. "Luke, Hi, how are you? Sorry. Probably a silly question."
Luke shook his head and shrugged.
"Hope I'm not interrupting. I...I don't really know what to do."
Chris stood up and hugged him.
"Hey, none of us know what to do. Are you still helping to carry her?"
Luke nodded.
"She always joked that she carried me at work. Guess I finally get my turn." He laughed uncomfortably. "Sorry. That wasn't even remotely funny."
He looked at Lin who was still staring at the floor and whispered to Chris.
"How's he doing? Is he going to be able to help?"
Chris shook his head. "No, I don't think so. Luis is going to be doing the honours and Jon is going to read the words he wrote for her.
He isn't strong enough.
Apart from planning he hasn't spoken a word to anyone all week.
He wouldn't let anyone help.
Did everything himself."
An usher appeared behind them.
"Gentlemen. The car is here."
Luke took a deep breath, Chris looked at him.
"Ready?"
He nodded.
Chris sat back down and reached for Lin's hand.
"She's here bud."
Lin didn't move. He could hear people talking round him but all the words were getting jumbled up, it felt as though he had a full cast recording going on in his head being played backwards and at the wrong speed.
He tried to understand what Chris was saying.
'Who is here?
What is that music?
Why is mom helping me to stand up?
Why is 'Both sides now' playing, has Alicia put it on? Where is she?'
'I've looked at clouds from both sides now....'
Her voice and Lin's piano echoed through the speakers.
'Don't be stupid. She isn't here.
She's away for a few days. No, weeks. What did she say?
I can hear her singing.'
'...But now it's just another show, and you leave 'em laughing when you go'
'Where has she gone? Why does my brain feel so fuzzy and confused. Where am I?'
