My Last Breath (Volturi kings)

THIRTEEN.

TW: Self harm, self hatred, slight relationship trauma?, depression? 

I have no clue what all counts as trigger warnings these days so I apologize if I missed any, read at your own risk. 

The hour I'm given to get ready goes by excruciatingly slowly. I'm ready within the first twenty minutes, spending the other forty staring at the wall across the room. I didn't have the confidence to dress girly today and I've never been one for makeup so, I've just thrown on a pair of black sweatpants and a baggy grey sweater. My hair is in a loose messy bun, and I can't bring myself to have any emotion across my face. After what feels like forever, the door to my room swings open and in walks Jane and Alec.

Their small smiles quickly fall as they see me, rushing to me in an instant.

"What have they done to you?" Alec asks in horror.

"You're never like this, I can feel your whirl of emotions mother" Jane says worriedly.

I just shrug and lift myself from the bed before ensuring the zipper has stayed up on my boots.

"Let's get this over with" I say before walking out of the room with the twins on my heels.

"Mother, there is something else. Master Caius has informed me that he will not be attending our outing, he has ordered the elite guard to come with you instead" she says formally.

I scoff at her words, of course he wouldn't just face me like a man. Only cowards would cause someone pain and not own up to it, that's what he is, a coward. The twins look at me in confusion to my reaction, but I just ignore it.

"Whatever" I mumble under my breath.

The car ride to the store is silent, thankfully. Even when inside the store, Demetri, Felix, Jane, and Alec in tow, everyone remains silent. I quietly shop for anything I'll need, food, feminine products, a new book to read. I stop in the arts and craft section and flip through some drawling supplies. After grabbing a few things (including colored pencils), my hand grazes over a pencil sharpener slowly. I grab it and twirl it around between fingers as I look down at the all too familiar blade that shines back at me in the light.

I've harmed myself before, the desire to feel a pain other than the emotional one from my mother's death had become too strong for me to endure any longer. The scars along my arms aren't all from hunting, though I've never told anyone of that. I'm sure that Aro knows but he has never desired to mention it, probably seeing as I haven't done it in months. I have never tried ending my life fully, though I have debated on it a few times. I know that I can't harm myself the way I used to, slicing into my skin in a castle full of vampires doesn't really sound like a good idea.

I suddenly have an idea and throw the sharpener into my cart before proceeding to the hair care section. I find a pack of hair ties, specifically the ones with metal holding them together as a small smile forms on my lips. Perfect. I throw them in the cart and proceed towards the checkout, only for Demetri to step in front of me. I look up at him in confusion as he smiles and begins taking everything from my cart, laying it out for the cashier to scan. After everything is scanned, bagged, and put back in my cart, Demetri pulls a card out of his wallet and begins moving towards the register.

"Woah there, I have my own money" I say defensively as I pull out my own card and hold it up to him.

He squints at the card before smirking playfully "Diane Forcox?".

"Yeah Demetri. Aren't you too, dying for cocks?" I say quietly so only he can hear while returning his smirk and motioning towards Felix.

I've noticed them flirting ever since I got here, it's so obvious that it makes me laugh every time they look at each other. They're clearly mates and I'm sure the kings know it as well.