Chaotic Love

While Aru was taken hostage

Ever since the Sleeper took Aru, hope is the only thing that lets me keep my sanity. After all these years, it is now that I realize that hope is a dangerous emotion. It gives you peace of mind, but at the cost of ignorance. You never know what is going to happen; what is happening—you just hope. And after these few weeks, my restlessness is getting better of me.

I promised myself that I would not sulk. Bee stress-bakes every chance she gets and Mini hardly talks, no more lecturing on our fragile mortality or sprouting medical facts. In some ways, it is a relief not knowing a hundred different ways I could die, but it makes Mini unlike her. Even the twins, especially Nikita, worry and ask about updates on Aru regularly, visiting every dream they can. In short, everyone is a mess. So somebody had to take the role of making sure no one gets depressed and that everyone keeps training. And I promised that I would be that person. That's what Aru would want. I had to take care of our friends in her absence.

It's hard to explain, but I just know that Aru is alive. That she is not dead. Like I feel it. It's unexplainable—this information, this feeling, because it makes no sense. It confuses me and downright messes with my mental state—because I know that even if she is alive, it doesn't mean she is treated well.

I scroll through the photos in Shadowfax, sorting them in different folders. I instantly stop at a photo of Aru eating Swedish fish. She is wearing a blue hoodie and pants, her braid on her side. I feel my insides clench at the memory.

It is rightly said that it's not until you've lost something that you realize how much it mattered. Or someone. I've never missed Aru's laughs or smiles more. Her jokes. Her puns. Her obsession with Swedish Fish & Lord of the Rings.

Things I found bizarre about her became endearing. Things I started to look forward to. I scroll to another photo of her in the outfit Nikita sent her. I recall how she had asked me how she looked, and I brushed her off with a pathetic 'Fine'. Self-loathing fills me. I wish I'd told her how beautiful she looked. How special and unique she is. How she matters.

"Lunch, Aiden." My mom's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. I look up to her, attempting a smile. She tries her best to cheer me up, ensuring I eat and sleep regularly. And I do it—for her. I try my best to finish the food even if I don't have an appetite and go to bed on time, even though all I do is think about Aru. I mostly avoid sleeping for long hours at night because all my nightmares end with me not being able to save Aru.

Her calling to me for help, and me not being able to reach her on time.

My mother must've heard my sharp intake of breath, because she continued. "It's going to be fine, beta. Aru will be back. I hope you haven't given up." She assures me.

"Never." I say fiercely.

She gestures towards the food and leaves, and I am grateful to be left in solace. The people think that Aru had betrayed us, that she was hugging that Sleeper she was fighting against.

Lying down, I close my eyes. I picture Aru and the Sleeper, interrogating and torturing her. My limbs go numb.

No, I am stronger than this.

I had to be, for Aru and our friends. I enter the bathroom and splash cold water on my face.

I know Aru is not weak. She is an excellent strategist. And I know that she will be back.

Please Aru, are the only two words I think as I step out.

Please come back.