Chaotic Love

Home Depot

Holding Mr V's key in my hand, I'll be lying if I said I wasn't curious. It might be stupid, and I might regret it, but I want to know what that key would open up inside me. Also, it was the simpler option, much more civil and easier than a heist. For Aru, the key had opened a longing for the Sleeper, or rather, her father before he became the Sleeper. I wonder if something similar would open up inside me for my father. I didn't want to think about him, about what he did to mom and how he broke our family. Mom tries her best, but she can only do so much. She is more spirited than I've seen her in a while, but I've noticed how she zones out sometimes, possibly thinking about the heartbreak my father caused her.

No, I tell myself. Nothing my father did was redeemable. He might've loved my mother once, but he cheated on her, knowing full well she left behind everything for him.

I steady myself as I pressed the key to the door. Golden light spread across the glass. A number of scenes flash before my eyes, so vivid, as if I was inside them.

Me taking the love arrow for Aru.

Aru telling me to use the love arrow on my mom instead.

Me asking Aru to dance at Halloween.

Sheela asking if Draupadi still loved one Pandava brother more than the rest even lifetimes later.

My eyes lingering on Aru longer than anyone in Bee's house.

Me and Aru in the chakora forest.

The scenes flash in front of me as if I am watching a movie. In the last scene, I see Aru and I standing in an open field, decorated with lights and diyas. Aru was dressed in a beautifully embroidered emerald green lehenga and blouse, her hair held loosely with a pin. I was wearing a blue sherwani. Aru smiles at me and points at Shadowfax, asking me to take a picture. I lean closer to her, and somehow, impossibly, I can feel her next to me. Aru rests her head on my shoulder, and I stroke her hair, ready with Shadowfax. The scene ends there.

I pause for a moment, drawing my eyebrows. I don't have a single clue as to what that was supposed to mean. What were those scenes? Those memories?

My eyes dart in Aru's direction, and for a moment, all I can do is stare. Aru. She was the one in all those scenes. And me. Together.

I realize this is not the time to dwell on it, considering Aru is studying my reaction carefully. I shake myself and gesture to everyone. "Let's go."

"You okay?" Aru asks me, passing by.

"Yeah, um, I'm fine, Shah," I reply hastily, returning her the velvet pouch.

As much as I try to deny it, I can't shake off those images from my mind. Especially the last one, with us together, celebrating and smiling.

It fills me with a moment of happiness, then panic.

I am not foolish enough to consider that those scenes meant nothing. If they featured just the two of us, I could gather they weren't about my friendship with her. The memories had opened up the desire to reconsider everything I felt about Aru. Mostly I just shrugged and pushed the thoughts away, but it was becoming difficult now, to pretend she was just a friend.

Her standing next to me. Her head on my shoulder. Me stroking her hair.

STOP.

I breathed heavily; silently thankful no one witnessed my inner crisis. This is what the key wants me to do. To be impulsive and ruin my friendship with Aru. As much as I hate to admit it, there was a great chance Aru doesn't like me back. At least not in that way. Therefore, there is no way I am going to mar our friendship and make things awkward, just because of all this.

I try to keep my head clear. I mentally make a list of the things I know-

a) I saw Aru in the scenes.

b) I saw Aru and I in the scenes.

c) The scenes weren't just about us being friends.

d) There is a high probability of Aru not liking me back.

And then the fifth, and most startling realization, one that I'd rather never acknowledge: 

I have a crush on Aru.

God, this is so messed up.