An unpredictable summer- ONGOING

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Saturday the 22nd of June

As I sit up on the matress, my head starts spinning around. I feel so beaten up. Raw.

"Morning, did you sleep well?" Daisy's voice greets me. It's hard to focus my eyes on her when I look to the door. Shes carrying a tray.

"Not well, but I slept at least" I say, rubbing my eyes.

Daisy sits down by my feet, placing the tray between us. On it lies pancakes and bacon, and a glass of orange juice.

"Thought you'd like some breakfast." She smiles.

"How long have you been awake?" I wonder, it must be late.

"I got up at about 10 I think. So a few hours"

"Right. What's the time now?" I ask her.

She looks down at her watch. "13:15 pm" she says, slightly smiling.

I burrow my face in my hands, "geez, I'm sorry Daisy. I'm a terrible guest."

"No, no, no. Don't worry about that. If it's anyone's "fault" it's mine, I couldn't possibly make myself let you wander around like that in the middle of the night." Her expression turns serious. "I've been meaning to ask you more about what happened, but I felt bad bringing that up when you was in that state." She adds.

Right. Last night. I cheated on Stephen. I kissed another boy. And a matter of fact is, I liked it. It was the change I've been craving for so long.
But it was wrong.

"Okay. I cheated. I was basically unfaithful! I have no idea what to do about this Daisy!" I feel uneasy thinking about it too much.

To my surprise, Daisy let's out a chuckle. But she quickly covers her mouth.
I give her a look, waiting for an explanation.

"I'm really sorry Lillian, but unfaithful? It's not like you're married or something. Unless you've promised yourself to him without me knowing" she puts her hand over my knee. "Lillian it was just a kiss"

I'm still not convinced, and I think my body language tells her that as she continues,
"Lillian, Patrick kissed a girl when we had dated for a while. But only because he was drunk. Sure I was heartbroken for a while, but I know that he would give the world to undo it. It was simply too much alcohol, just has your situation. Right? It's not like you have feelings for this dude." She says, laughing at the last sentence.

Right. Just the alcohol. No feeling's.

In response I just smile, looking down at the food filled tray.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry! I'll let you eat." She laughs. She gets up and walks towards the door. But before leaving she turns to me, "promise me you won't overthink this Lillian."

Again I just smile.

Such a simple but good answer. No words said. But it can mean a thousand things. And best of all, no one can take your word for something wrong, cause you never said a word in the first place.

And so I sit there, eating breakfast in bed as if I was staying in a five star hotel.

———————————————————————————

When I eventually get home, it's harder than I thought. My thoughts get so loud in this quiet house. It's as every single thought echoes between the walls.

Was it all just a mistake? Was it supposed to happen? Was it good or bad?

I obviously know the answers morally but mentally? I have no clue what so ever.
I'm just sitting by the dining table. Drowning in my own mind. Letting myself be dragged in.

*riiiing*
The doorbell.
I don't know who it could be, Daisy maybe.
I walk towards the front door.
Maybe I forgot something at her house.

But when I open the door, it's not Daisy who stands there.
It's Tyler.

"Lillian." He says, his eyes look incredibly sad. I haven't seen them like this before.

He can't be here. God no. I wish he would just disappear.

"Tyler. I'm sorry. I don't want to talk. The kiss was just a mistake. I'm really sorry-"

"Stop! Just stop! I agree, it was all just unnecessary. I'm sorry for kissing you, I just- I don't know, it felt like the most reasonable thing at the time. I was drunk."

I'm glad we're on the same page.

"Then why did you come?" I say, annoyed.

"It's... it's my brother. He's dead." His eyes well up, it seems like he's about to crash. Like a delicate piece of porcelain, the second before hitting a stone floor.

"Tyler..." I say, opening my arms to him, "I'm so so sorry" I say as he walks up to me, just giving in, burrowing his head in my shoulder. Sobbing.

We stand this way for a while. Minutes. Before I ask him to follow me inside.

He sits down on the sofa as I make him a cup of tea. He's not crying anymore, but his face is red and wet from tears.

He almost looks startled when I bring him the tea and sit down besides him.

He's never talked about a brother before, but I can tell they had a strong bond, based on his reaction.

"How did it happen?" I ask. Not quite sure where to start.

"Cancer. He had leukaemia." He starts, his eyes glued to one singular point. "But he was getting better. They all told me he was better!!"

"What was his name?" I continue.

He's resting his arms on his knees, his face burrowed in his palms.

"Marcus. His name was Marcus."
I put my hand on his back, trying to calm him down.

"We're you close?"

He nods, raising his head. "But I couldn't manage seeing him sick, so when they told me he would get better, I told them I wanted to leave. Just for a little while, not even long enough for him to miss me. I wanted a break, you understand? So my dad rented the apartment for me."
It all makes sense, the unpacked boxes, the I'm not staying too long, the secretiveness.

"But I would have been there! If they only told me he was getting worse, I could have been there with him for him. But now he's dead. And I had just fled the scene, so I didn't even get to tell him goodbye!!" He's fired up now, I'm not sure if his tears are from sadness or anger.

"And he was so young! Lillian he was so young! Only 13." His voice is tiny and vulnerable.

"I'm so sorry Tyler. I'm so sorry." I grab his hand, rubbing it with my thumb.

"What am I supposed to do now?"

Writers note:
Sorry for a kinda depressive chapter but oh well...