Written in tears

on my Instagram feed

I think we were friends,
now you don't talk to me,
yet you keep appearing
on my Instagram feed.

I run text my friend,
but none of us laugh.
"Can't believe it", I say,
she adds that we're damned.

'Cause us three got along
just perfectly fine,
but we all got old
and separated by time.

'Cause you weren't around
and we were only fourteen then
and we never thought...
argh, can you blame us for leaving?

Well, maybe you can,
'cause you came across
and we didn't talk,
not even "hello".

No, not a single word came out our lips,
but then we turned to each other and started to scream:
"Can't believe we saw him! How long has it been?"
"Well, it felt like ages, we should've talked to him".

That happened in February,
four months ago.
Back then, my friend told me
it'd be like before.

So I haven't lost hope yet,
but I do every day,
'cause we haven't talked
and we're already in May.

I've seen you a thousand times,
but did you even recognize me?
You didn't look like saying "hi",
not even like you were trying.

We have lost a hundred chances,
maybe you think 'bout that, too.
We comment it during classes,
"Nothing happens like it should".

But your name, it keeps appearing
in conversations, films and books.
And every time that we hear it
we exchange a knowing look.

And I think about you sometimes
in a kind of nostalgic way.
Do you wonder what we're doing?
Wonder when we'll see again?

I hope you think about us, too
when somebody drops our names.
Hope you remember, when you do,
the afternoon in which we met.

Have you told your friends about us
the same way we've done to ours?
If so, I bet they didn't understand
what it meant to lose someone.

Someone who you thought was forever
'till they weren't around anymore,
someone you took for granted and, however,
it hurt you when they were gone.

And I know I'm to blame on this one,
know it is my fault this time,
that of all the things that I've done,
this might be my greatest crime.

'Cause I am older, and so,
I was supposed to be clever.
'Cause I never said hello,
I guess I should have known better.

So I'm counting down the days
for this year's school party,
when I hope something will change,
when I hope that you will find me.

When I hope that we will talk,
just like we did at last year's.
Everything'll be like before
and my dreams will become real.

Hey, who knows?
'Cause maybe we talk
and for once, I'll be able to hold on
and we will keep contact.

Or maybe I will be too scared,
too scared to let you know,
to let you know that I care
and I don't want you to go.

But I'm even more afraid
nothing will change at all.
If that happens, we will stay
like we have been all year long:

not knowing about you,
only knowing 'bout your team
and just for the things I saw
there, on my Instagram feed.

And I feel a deep regret,
and I know she feels it, too.
You should see our WhatsApp texts,
they are so, so full of you.

Of the boy who has become
just a shadow in our lives.
Of the boy who will return
if we do everything right.

So I'll gather all my strength,
I'll be strong for the three of us,
'cause I don't think I can face
another year without our talks.

So I know what I will do
when I see you at the match:
I will ask you "how are you?"
and just hope you ask me back.

I know there's a lot of hoping,
but I'm sure that I can do
all the things that I have promised
for a year that I would.

I was convinced it was my fault
and more convinced to do things right.
So today, you came across
and I waved "hi" with a broad smile.

Can you imagine my surprise
when you didn't say "hi" back?
I thought I'd seen it in your eyes,
thought you wanted us to talk.

So maybe the fault is mine,
but maybe you are to blame, too,
'cause I tried so hard to be kind
and you didn't even bother to look.

And it seems quite obvious now,
kind of like adding 2+2,
we screwed it up somehow
and we lost the friend in you.

And yet I still cannot leave you,
I just wonder if you're there,
if you miss us like we miss you,
if you think we stand a chance,

if you know that in some hours
it'll be a year since we met,
if you started a new chapter
that 27th of May.

So we'll fight for what we had,
fight our way right back to you,
and we won't stop 'till you're back.
Oh, believe us this is true.

So we'll talk and we'll be friends,
'cause I don't want you to be
just another boy appearing
there, on my Instagram feed.