Saved by the stars

Chapter fourteen - learning to cope, the downside x

Major Tw- this whole chapter discusses themes of sh and ptsd

Beth's PoV
I got up and went to the bathroom which thankfully didn't have a lock on.
'Sammy I'm going to come in ok?'
I didn't get a response so I opened the door and found her curled up in a ball in the bathtub.
'Ok Sammy I've got your bag and I'm going to come over, did you do anything?'
She nodded.
'Ok baby can you show me so I can help'
She shook her head violently, I knew that people often felt guilt after and this also probably triggered her ptsd and made her think she was going to be hurt.
'I won't hurt you at all or touch you until you are ready I promise but please can you show me'
She took off her hoodie to reveal scratched all down her arm but thankfully only a few were bleeding.
'What did you use Sammy?'
She showed me her nails and then showed me a piece of plastic, almost like a smashed ruler.
'Okay am I alright to come and clean them manny?'
She nodded.
'Ok I'm going to bring your bag and I'll sit in the bathtub with you'
I had an idea as to why she was in the bathtub but I wasn't going to jump to conclusions.
'Why are you in the bathtub Sam?'
'Safe. Hide'
'Aw baby you don't have to hide, we aren't mad at you we just want to keep you safe. Let's get you cleaned up'
I sat opposite her but she soon crawled over into a cuddle, Leah had said something about her age regression but I also think this is a source of comfort. And if that's what she needs, I'll help her.
Once I got her cleaned up I asked her what we should do.
'Ok how can I help you now?'
'Ice'
So we got the ice pack out her bag and placed it on her wrists. I noticed her become fidgety so I asked what's up
'Leah. Mad.'
'No manny shes not mad she just wants you to be okay'
She nodded.
'How about we call viv?'
'Ye'
So I rung viv, I knew she would have a chill hour or two now before her tea.
'Hey darling, you ok?'
'Yeah Sammy wanted to talk'
She hadn't put her jumper back on as I was still icing her arms partially to release craving but also to calm down the cuts.
'Hey antha'
'Hey Vivi'
'What's up?'
She shook her head, so I whispered to her.
'She won't be mad, she's been through it Sammy'
'I didn't mean to, I had to'
Something inside Viv clicked, I heard her say those exact words two years ago on our anniversary.
'Aww Sammy, it's ok to feel that way, did you try our other methods?'
'I couldn't viv I had to really bad'
'Are they clean?'
'Mhm'
'Are you safe?'
'Yeah'
'Then I'm proud you let Beth help but if you need to do it again call me and we can do the methods together. Do you have anything you can do it with?'
'Beth took them'
'Ok I know you're probably secretly a bit mad at her for it but she is going to get rid of them. It's the best thing I ever did'
'I know but I still want to sometimes'
'I know but eventually that sometimes turns into once a month or twice a year, I promise you won't feel this way forever.'
'Are you sure'
'Yes Sammy I've been there, it feels like there is no way out but there is. Did anything specific make you want to do it?'
'I had a nightmare straight away, I wasn't even fully asleep and I just don't think he's gonna ever go away'
'Antha look at me, he will. This suffering is your mind trying to decide what's real and with help it can. It's like when I was struggling I wouldn't go anywhere without my teddy bear and I used to suck my thumb when I was anxious because my brain took me back to that age but now I have healthier coping mechanisms'
'Leah said I've got that and I have to go to a different school because it makes my schoolwork harder.'
'That's ok, it's good to get the help you need and one day you won't be surrounded by him, I promise'
'Thanks Vivi'
'It's no problem, look after yourself antha'
And with that I decided to take Sammy to bed.
'Right let's go to bed'
'Can I sleep with Leah?'
'If you ask nicely I'm sure she would love to'
'Ok night night bethy'
'Night Sammy'

Leah's PoV
I woke up to a ruffle in my bedsheets. Followed by 'Leah can I stay here tonight'
'Of course you can manny, anytime you need'