Conversion

Indignation

TW : SELF HARM !!!!

Songs I think match this chapter :

Francis Forever - Mitski

Dove Doll Ver - antihoney

Duvet - boa

Vampire Empire - Big Thief

Chapter 5 : Indignation

~ Aneira's POV ~

   It has been twenty hours since Laena was taken. I have an overwhelming weight on my chest and I don't know what it is. I have never felt this way before. Other than that soul crushing weight, I also feel rage, my whole body is full of it. I feel it boiling over, and no matter how hard I try to suppress it, I just get angrier. I have no one to unleash these vile feelings on, I want to find each and every person who had something to do with her being taken and make them suffer for taking such a sweet girl. Laena is the most innocent person I have ever met, and normally when I meet people like that I see them as weak, but she is far from that. She dealt with the death of her mother, then her brother, and still manages to keep a smile on her face, I never once saw her blinded by rage like I am on almost a daily basis.

   I want nothing more then to march into Rowan's room and beat him to the verge of death for letting them take her, he knows full well her feelings for him, and I warned her about him, I just wish she didn't have to find out this way how weak he is. I want to make him suffer for hesitating because Laena Madden deserved better than that, she deserved someone to fight to the death for her. He is nothing to me, since that night, we haven't spoken, I haven't even glanced at him. I can't do anything but think. Just a few minutes ago I came downstairs to eat breakfast, but my appetite disappeared.

   I sat at the table in silence, staring at the bowl of cereal in front of me, and again I felt that overwhelming rage. I couldn't control it anymore. I picked up the bowl and slammed it on the floor, milk and cereal going everywhere as it shattered. I swung open the cabinets, throwing glasses, plates, and bowls, just whatever I could get my hands on and watched them all shatter. My vision went blurry as my hands shook with the wave of wrath rolling over my body, and suddenly I couldn't breathe. My chest tightened and it felt like the world was closing in on me, it felt like my heart was thrashing around in my chest, beating against my ribs like a rabid animal in a cage. I was shaken to my core as I dropped to my knees, gasping for just an ounce of air, but nothing came, no matter how hard I tried. I felt my mind cloud and I didn't know what to do, how do I stop this horrid feeling? I reached down for something, anything, and my hand rested on a shard of glass from one of the plates I had just shattered. I picked up the piece of glass, hyperventilating, and I made a small slash, about the size of my pinky, it wasn't deep, it barely broke the skin. As my blood trickled down to the floor I snapped out of it, I could finally breathe. I looked around the room in a daze, before getting up and walking out, stumbling on my way to my room.

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   It had been about half an hour since whatever that was in the kitchen, I sat on the balcony as I did two weeks ago, right after Laena had left. I had a cigarette in my hand, inhaling it and then exhaling the smoke as I stared blankly out into the sky. I hadn't cleaned myself up, or bandaged up the small cut on my arm. I just sat there, my breaths shaky as I continued inhaling the cigarette, and after I finished it, I just pulled out another's lighting it and doing the same thing, a never ending cycle. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't addicted, I always had to have a pack in my bag when I went somewhere. The smoke was the only way to calm the overwhelming, earth shattering rage the lived in my seemingly small body. How could so much rage fit into a person of my size? Maybe it was how much I bottled up everything, or maybe it was because I wasn't used to feeling anything but rage, I couldn't feel as well as I should.