My dream was so vivid that night, reliving moments I could never speak about with anyone, but myself and God. Reminiscing and remembering things I prayed for my heart to forget, longing for a love that should have never started and I wish never ended.
Kendrick was so cool and easy to work for, from the start. Kind and calm, so, he asked me if I wanted to grab dinner, after work one day. I knew it would be just a matter of time until, our flirting and my accompanying him to studio sessions lead us beyond places a boss and employee should be. But, I loved it there, and in what must have been just a couple of weeks, I felt like I was appreciated by him, truly.
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Gassed up off of the time, gifts, and late night conversations that lasted hours, listening to him reflect ideas about music, the world, the culture. So deep it felt like foreplay, going out of bound of the usual basic shit, hood tales and ghetto takes. Deep and wide, so far beyond galaxies and earthly realms. No sex, yet, but, he would kiss me like it would be fucking fire. He didn't try to touch me, at first, but I wanted him to, so bad sometimes I could swear he feel it, and would. But, he didn't until I said I wanted him to. He was getting to know me, made me feel like he cared about me as a person and included me on things that he didn't have to.
He wasn't what I expected, and I know I wasn't what he was anticipating, either. Shared a special unspoken bond, it was the small things, like, our mutual obsession with Keyshia Cole's first album, a classic to us, which became an ongoing private joke between just the two of us. I told Sammy, about the NDA the day I signed, but not much else and I knew it was killing her to not know, so I said we were closer than we should be.
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"Oh shit! Your first rapper!" "It's not like that Sammy... I'm not dating him!" "Umm hmm. Okay babe, y'all just fucking!?" "Seriously! He doesn't even want to fuck! He would have by now, it's just, like, flirting..." "But you kissed? Right? You think he's gonna say he wants to fuck!?" "Yeah, we kiss,... that's all" "Kiss or kissed!? Like y'all stay kissing and shit!?"
We went to dinner, a private room, and intimate night. Kissing me, and telling me the NDA was a formality, and, he wanted us to be more than just friends now. Then, he held my hand as we left, smiling at me, both flirty and wine drunk, as we got into the car. "So.... What's the deals?" "You tell me!?" "You wanna head back to my place?" "Ugh...okay" I felt like, I should tell him, but was a little embarrassed to still be a virgin despite having done some freaky shit for some cash in the past. Back then I did, to not have to fight with my momma, making a little something to contribute to Sammy's crib and honestly, I never felt bad about it until my mama found out.
