When I got there, it didn't take long for me to feel how I used to feel, and want so much, from just a meet up. I knew, it was just a matter of time "We should have never done this" "I know that you, and Johnny are, over now... and I didn't approach you when you was with him at all, did I?" "You never approached me but you told me how you felt" "I know you want it too... so what's your point? I never crossed that line though" "I mean, you never told him about us" "What did you want me to tell him!? He fell in love with you, and he's not the type of nigga to do that, at all...but... I know, I get it, I got it, I guess... you know, it's life, but I can't have my cake and eat it too." I was looking at him like I wanted to know more, and did, he was being so much more open about how he truly felt this time around.
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"You can't have me anymore, Kendrick..., this can't happen..." "...Why? What's changed? You're not with Johnny...Who are you with?" "Look..., I can't just do what I want anymore, we have Heaven now... she's my focus, you're her fucking God father, like, come on!!" "Am I?..." "Ahh Kendrick, please... not now!!" "Hmm... so you're sure?" "So you think you're Heaven's dad now!?" "I think, I knew you was pregnant before you did Shae...but if you wanna avoid the conversation we need to have, and go, just go, because...I'm not going to fight for you, to stay" he literally turned over and was trying to go to sleep. I was shocked, a little, surprised but how much he just did not give a fuck, seemingly, but really, he most dealt with things head on and internally. He was so, mature, about everything, which always made me want him more.
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"Okay... I'll go..." he could tell from my voice, I wanted him to pay attention to me, say I should stay. Reading little cues and my energy like no one had ever been able to, another reason I found it hard to just let go. He turned around and looked at me, then pulled me down to lay under his arm in the best next to him. His voice down, low and soft but stern. "Let's just lay down and talk ...you need to relax Shae " "I don't think we should do this" "We've already done it Shae...it's done,... I know you feel bad but, why?" He was whispering into my ear now. "Because... Kenny" my sentence and breath cut short, as his hands were slipping down between my legs and my tone slipping in volume.
