Jude drove me home in one of the cars the boys had rented. I couldn't say I was used to getting around town in a Mercedes AMG GT63 but I definitely could. I inspected all the details in the car, I did my best not to look, well, poor, but this was the type of car I dreamed of having one day.
It was like all of my brain cells were working tirelessly to get a full understanding of the latest events. I was on a low for weeks and this quick high was making me feel uneasy. I needed to gather my thoughts. I closed my eyes as I felt the warm Summer breeze hit my cheeks, it was a very hot day. I looked at car's control panel, my eyes lingered through the different symbols before finally spotting the air conditioning. I turned it on not even asking for his permission to. Here I was, being introspective.
My life had been the same monotone for months now, it's like I have been a sheep following a hoard not even knowing if it leads me to greener grass. It most likely wouldn't but I was trying to gather the courage to change my path, this couldn't be it. My university studies felt worthless to me and deep inside I felt guilty that I wasted my parents resources to study something I knew I wouldn't care for. I thought that I could live with a shitty job, that it would be just one of the many aspects of my life but this has been draining me. I always felt like I was destined to achieve more than what I was familiar with. I didn't want to be like my dad who worked extra hours everyday just to get by. I knew that my parents forbidding me from following art was a deliberated decision. They have always been afraid. A simple decision of buying a couch had to be something deeply thought about for weeks because the money could be needed elsewhere. I needed a break through. I was eager for that feeling that I had finally made it all by myself.
