Same but... different (Lestappen and Carlando)

Chapter 56

Warning: Jos mentioned. But also Hervé (Charles' dad) and Jules' deaths. (sorry in advance)

Also, please note that this is not a realistic depiction of a therapy session, I do not have enough experience to even think of saying this, so take it with a grain of salt. It isn't medical advice either, definitely. (especially the therapist's advice lol) It's fiction and I like it as it is!

Thanks for reading those important words, hope you'll still enjoy the chapter (I cried writing it).

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POV: Charles

Time has passed and we're finally at the end of media day, here in the south of France. I'm feeling more anxious than relieved though, my appointment with the sport's therapist approaching at light speed. Following Max's advice, I decided to talk about my separation anxiety, if that's even how you call that. But I honestly don't know how it will make it better, it feels like I've tried everything!

— I think we're good for today, thanks everyone, Mattia sends us home, and my heart starts racing.

Once I'm in front of the door I feel better already, realising how dumb I look. There's no reason to stress, we've been doing this for years now, it shouldn't be so scary. The only difference is that today, I'm going to talk about personal issues though. Absolutely not related to racing, at least not directly, for sure.

— Hello Charles, you're early! Samantha greets me with a smile on her face.

— Yes sorry, we finished a bit quicker than expected so I thought I'd just come here, so we have more time, but if you want I can wait if you have other plans?

— What did we say about apologising all the time Charles? But no it's fine, you're the only person I see this afternoon anyways, so please just take a seat!

I always feel like a child being scolded by his mom when I come here, although we have such a professional relationship. She just has that natural authority and kindness combined, and she's barely younger than my mom, so it's easy to feel at home very quickly here. The rich scent of vanilla and cinnamon floating in the air making me feel so much more at ease, I quickly relax in the comfortable sofa.

— Should we start with the usual?

The conversation flows easily, as I start remembering my thoughts and everything I felt during the last few weekends. From frustration to anxiety, I tell her everything related to formula one, making sure I stay silent about the "other stuff" for now. She's very good at reading me by now, though, and after a few minutes of talking about the track, she finally asks "the" question.

— Is there anything else bothering you, Charles? The way she looks at me over her glasses make me shuffle in my seat, trying to find a way to say it.

I'm lost for a few seconds, my gaze locked on her curly black hair always so beautifully styled. I have to explain myself now though, I know she's not going to judge me, but it still costs me a lot to express my feelings and what I'm going through.

— Actually, yes. But it's not... my voice fades a little, before I clear my throat. It's not really related to racing so...

— Go ahead, as long as it's about you in some way I'm here for that!

The way she reassures me calms a little my anxiousness, and I finally manage to start explaining my situation. I'm not going to speak directly about Max though, even if I know she's not authorised to reveal anything we say, I still don't feel comfortable sharing that without asking him first.