Anderperry one shots

Finally , angst!!!!

Neil threw the notepad across his room like he didn't need it to survive . he crumpled up the 50th try for the poem before ripping it up , he believed it was that bad. he winced immediately at the pain of a razor slicing against the skin of his wrist 'f-ck' he squealed out , being aware of his careless mother and his father who would object to his death , but only so he could become the embodiment of his father and go to medical school , become a doctor and live out his father's dreams. he wrote a long poem with all of his emotions towards Todd and realised that in coming to die , he realised that because of his father he had not truly lived a life.

'Your words
I live by
it hurts
maybe you were a spy
your lips, rose
made me morose
I wished to contribute a verse
to your play
me , you will reimburse
for my stolen days
ash
from your fire
my wrists you slash
which I admire
I cry
out into the open sky
when it would rain
you came
when it hurt,
like hell
you would insert
yourself
to help me 'get well'
your endeavours
to lift me up like feathers
i was the poem
you never dared to write
the guitar
you didn't strum
as I ran
into the night
the moon
was you
you popped
my balloon
the hue
on my life
stuck like glue
from red to blue
I needed no saving
from what I was craving
the love
from which I thought I was above
cupid's bow
and arrow
targeting
when i wasn't hearkening
for you
I had nothing
as if in a zoo
for you i'd sting
like a bee
I needed to be set free
for the love
of you
and me'

(im so sorry it's so long and horrible)

now , he was going to set himself free from the world he was never meant to live in . he pressed down , and he carved deep and let his veins breathe. his consciousness slowly slipped away from him and his vision turned black , only showing him an image of Todd in his mind that he had lost shortly after he met his father. 'I LOVE YOU TODD' he wished he was screaming from the rooftops of the world , but his father's study would have to do. his mind still stayed active even in death, and it was crying out 'DON'T LEAVE TODD!' and it was showing him his last 7 minutes of reflections about life . he imagined himself loving Todd one more time , seeing his bright red face as he read a poem in front of Mr. Keating's class , knowing he was everyone's favourite poet.

'OH MY , NEIL?' he heard screamed from the doorway , and hearing clattering on the floor 'oh fuck , i forgot to give Todd a valentines gift' his thoughts yelled at him for being this stupid. day after day passed and he felt nothing , but today was the day he could confess, and he missed it 'HELLO, 911?' someone who sounded remotely like Todd , but Neil hoped and prayed that it wasn't . his brain's forever screeching at him finally came to a halt , the drip finally stopped. 'NEIL STAY WITH ME!' Todd wouldn't leave his side as he went cold , limp and died even after he had died internally years ago. as Todd checked his pulse , his tears dripped onto the cool skin of Neil. 'i-i love you' he managed to sputter out through large sobs , not having any of the dead poets there to console him , only one very dead poet who couldn't breathe just to console him. 'STEP OUT OF THE WAY, SIR' the paramedics shouted at Todd 'i-i can't leave him. i can't leave my love.' Todd confessed, tripping over the blood spilled poem 'what's .. this?' he tried to to make out as the poets and Keating knocked at the door, and he screamed at the sight of the writing on the page , knowing who it was about. Neil loved him , and clearly hated his father.. but he was gone now , out of Todd's life and he'd never forgive himself for letting his love die.