Gentle Epiphany // Criminal Minds

Chapter Eighteen - Enchanted

🪐 Daphne 🪐

I spent the entire weekend in bed except for my Sunday afternoon with grandpa and his friends. Sorting out my feelings in theory seemed easier than it was. I know I should talk to Spencer, explain my behavior but that also means admitting that I had viewed him as more than a friend. I'm not sure if I can overcome that humiliation.

Which is ultimately how I feel. Humiliated for believing that he would want me the way I so desperately wanted him. Humiliated that our entire team had noticed my crush and watched me realize that I was nothing more. Humiliated that I even thought for a moment that I could be that girl, the one that gets her dream guy.

Stupid of me really. Girls like me never get the guy.

I'm standing outside the coffee shop looking at him through the window just like I did all those months ago when we first met for book club. Those excited nerves now just a painful ache in my chest watching something I will never have.

A deep breath in before striding towards the door. I can have enough courage to get through this conversation and once I'm done I can cry on my bike ride home. He stands abruptly when he sees me turn the corner meeting him at the table he's occupied for us.

"I got you a lavender chair tea, they were out of honey I'm afraid." He gestures nervously towards the iced drink waiting for me.

"I um...you didn't have to but thank you." I stumble taking my seat.

We stay quiet for a few moments listening to the clock ticking from the far corner, idle chatter around us and the clicking of laptops being furiously typed on.

"Daphne about Li...." I hold my hand up stopping him from finishing that sentence. I don't want to know about Lila and him. Staying oblivious to their relationship will be the only way I can preserve my heart and ensure it doesn't completely break.

"Could you...." I stop trying to find the right words where there wasn't any. "Would you mind letting me speak freely and then after that I walk away...what I have to say..." I sigh, "It's not easy for me to say and I'm not sure I can handle anything after."

He nods his head already concerned. I take another deep breath, here it goes. I can be brave.

"I'm sorry for the way I handle LA. You deserve an explanation and to be honest I wasn't sure how to handle all that had happened. I guess it's not a secret that I liked you, more than just a friend."

His brows raised in surprise at my admission. I try not to let his expression distract me from my well rehearsed speech.

"Part of me held out hope that you might feel for me the way I did for you, no matter how foolish that now seems. I-I...." My voice falters as I shake my head trying to collect myself. This was much harder than I expected. "I've never been the girl that guys chased after. Never had a boyfriend, or been kissed. I've just always been that strange girl who would rather have her nose in a book than face reality. And I find comfort in those pages, find comfort in fictional characters, in their relationships hoping that one day I would find a type of love worthy of being a novel."

"Daphne...." His timber that used to make my heart flutter stopping me for a moment. Our eyes colliding as we sit silently staring at one another. I don't know why I still hold on to hope that he would confess that he feels the same. But that simply will never happen.

"Seeing you kiss Lila hurt. My reaction was childish, and for that I'm truly sorry. I just want you to be happy, even if it might take me a moment to get over my feelings...I still want us to be best friends, if I haven't completely ruined our friendship yet. You undoubtedly are one of the most important people in my life and I don't want to lose you over something as foolish as a crush." I turn to look out the window for a moment. The sky was cloudy with the promise of rain. Interesting how the weather was tantamount to how I feel.