**This chapter contains mentions of suicide/suicide attempt and graphic descriptions/language
I walked into my house with only one thing on my mind.
I made my way past my parents who were on the couch, careful not to wake them up. As I walked up the stairs, I made sure not to wake up Angelica.
I walked into the bathroom and turned the water on in the bath. I always hated the cold.
I really didn't want to die cold.
I turned the water off when the tub was filled. I took off all my clothes besides my bra and underwear.
I didn't want to be naked when anyone found me, especially if it was my dad.
I stepped into the tub and it was burning hot. I reached onto the bathroom counter, and grabbed my switch-blade.
This is it.
I put my switch-blade to the skin on my wrist, and dug it into my flesh.
I dragged it about halfway down my forearm, crying, muffling my screams.
I then cut across my other arm slowly.
It was the worst pain I ever had felt.
The blood began to pour out, filling the water in the bathtub. It felt kind of gross, but I was happy. Happy to be gone.
Despite the pain, I thought about the best parts of my life, the day Angelica was born, every single day I got to spend with her, the day I met Johnny and the gang, the day I fell for Dallas.
And I realized I was dying with so many regrets.
I wished I had spent more time with Angie.
I wished I had made things right with Johnny.
I wish I had told everyone how much they meant to me, face to face.
I wish I had just told Dallas I loved him.
And as quick as all those regrets came they left. I was in way too deep. I was already dying.
I couldn't regret it all now.
So I tried to think about something else.
All I could think about now was that my baby girl was just in the room across from me sleeping.
I didn't even think about the fact that she could be the one to find me.
That's when I started to internally panic.
I didn't want the gang to be the ones to find me obviously, and where else would I really go?
But I realized I'd much rather the gang find me like this rather than Angelica see.
But it was too late, and I was too weak.
All I could do was wait and hope one of my parents would be the ones to find me.
I just wanted to die happy.
I can't even do that?
I closed my eyes, and Dallas popped into my mind.
I wonder how he's going to take all of this.
Will he even care that I'm gone?
Will he cry?
Will he laugh?
Will he do have a reaction at all?
Will anyone care that I'm gone?
I was starting to regret everything again.
But I couldn't, it was too late. I was too weak. I couldn't move, couldn't talk.
I couldn't reverse what I had already done.
So I had to stop regretting it, because nothing was going to change the fact I was sitting in that bathtub.
Bleeding, crying, and angry.
Angry at the world, angry that nobody protected me, angry that nobody kept me safe.
Angry that nobody cared.
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Sorry this chapter was shorter, I'm already writing the next one.
It was just hard to drag the whole thing out longer when you already know what she did and why 😭
