*mentions of sh and ed
When I woke up, I had an awful feeling in the stomach.
I remembered what I had done the night before, and pulled my sleeves up. I had a dark, empty, regretful feeling. But I couldn't change what I had already done.
I got my clothes and hopped in the shower. When I was done I put on a long sleeve red shirt and some dark bootcut jeans.
I braided my hair because I didn't feel like putting in the effort to do it, and I walked into the living room. All of the gang besides Darry and Steve where already in there. Dallas, Two-Bit, and Johnny were on the couch.
I sat down on the floor, not wanting to be near Dallas. But I didn't feel like talking to anyone anyway. I should've stayed in my room.
I sat in silence, staring at the tv before I heard my name.
"Right 'Lon?"
"What?"
"You should bring Angelica over here, we miss seeing her around." Soda said.
"Uh...yeah. Sure" I sort of brushed it off.
If I was being honest, I didn't want to talk about Angelica. I loved her with my whole heart. But I felt like such a horrible sister, and I was. It was my fault. I never had a chance to ever see her, and when I did it was never for long. And I guess it's not my fault my parents hate me, but I know it hurt her.
And if I was being completely honest, there were a couple other reasons. Yes I loved her, but I was also so jealous of her. My mom and dad always tolerated her. Never hit her once. They cared more about her than they ever did me. Which wasn't her fault. And it also wasn't her fault she looked exactly like my dad.
That really bugged me.
Because every time I looked into the eyes of the girl who made my life worth living, I saw the man who made it all worth nothing.
"I mean, I can't remember the last time Angelica came around, had to have been sometime last year, I miss having her around." He continued.
"mhm."
"I been missing her too. She's the cutest thing, like a little doll. You really should start bringing her around." Two-Bit added.
"yeah."
"You don't seem to enthusiastic, and she's your sister." Ponyboy added on.
I felt so horrible again, because I was about to snap. I tried, but I really couldn't handle them.
"Well I really don't have the ability to go home right now, do I?" I nearly yelled.
Everybody in the room went silent, and they looked at me in shock.
"You guys all expect me to just go to my house and bring the girl over, acting like my parents aren't always home. I can't talk to the girl. Can't really even see her. I wish I could. But I can't. Unless I want to get my head kicked in." I rambled.
I got up and went to my room.
I felt myself beginning to cry. I changed into a pair of grey shorts and a dark blue sweater. I decided I would just sleep the day away.
When I woke up, I heard Darry cooking dinner.
I thought about whether I should leave my room or not, I was kind of hungry. I got up to look in the mirror, and instantly felt disgusted.
As I stared at myself, I noticed how big my thighs looked. I wanted them to be smaller. My torso was too wide, my arms were too fat. Everything was wrong with me.
