A Simple Etiquette (Serenity Series #1)

25

Those Who Destroy

Bouquets of flowers were placed again in front of the north hall. From what I know, these are for the late Sandler and Floyd, sent by the twins they dated before they passed away.

For an American, that's quite consistent. Dinaig pa ang isang ginoo ng pilipinas nong kapanahunan.

The bouquets are Coreopsis and Purple Carnation. As my sister told me, the coreopsis meaning is "always cheerful" or are meant to express friendship.

Sa dami nang in-advance ko na lesson ay hindi ko namalayang gabi na. The spring semester will start at the end of January, I shall be advanced. Ni ayaw ko na ngang gumawa ni isang hakbang sa bigat ng mga modules at libro na dala ko. Bukod pa roon, magbigat na rin ang katawan ko.

I was filled with irritation because I couldn't find the key to my room. Just before I completely lost my temper from exhaustion and frustration, Mohan's room door opened.

Our eyes met. I bit my lower lip and calmed myself. I looked away.

He was carrying some papers, but my curiosity faded when I noticed his feet; he was wearing boots with golden laces.

"Can I come with you?" Neither of us moved. I took a deep breath.

"You can't," he replied firmly, placing the stack of papers down. He approached me and took my things.

Finally, I found the key. "Actually, I really want to talk to you," he began when we got inside. I knew he was in a hurry. I was about to take my things from him, but I stopped.

I hid my trembling hands behind my back and took a deep breath. I turned away and busied myself.

He said goodbye and I only nodded in response. When I could no longer feel his presence, I finally fell to my knees.

I couldn't bear to look at my own hands. I couldn't even touch him. I wanted to hug him or look at him for a long time, but I couldn't. I wanted to cry, but no tears are coming out. I wanted to lash out, but it wasn't fit for my duties and responsibilities.

I wanted to rest, but I couldn't.

I wanted to be with him. Even just a minute or a second... I'd be okay with that. But every time I wished for it, I felt disgusted with myself.

It's like. . . it's like everything I touch disappears.

Kahit ako saan ako lumingon ay nakikita ko ang mukha ng mga nagluluksang namatayan. Dahil hindi ko nailigtas ang mga mahal nila sa buhay

What that man said eleven years ago was true. Salot ako.

No matter what I do, I can't wash the blood off my hands.

They were right. I'm worthless.

I looked at the mirror. Despite the storm I am feeling inside, no tears came out. Without realizing it, I went to the shower and took off my clothes.

I scrubbed myself, hoping to remove something that couldn't be removed or touched.

I closed my eyes. There was no difference. Whether my eyes were open or closed, I was still in darkness. Worthless.

I didn't noticed what happened next. I felt like someone forcibly pulled me from death and turned me into a battery-operated doll. I just stared at the door all night while drying my hair.

When I was young, I remember my sister and I shared a room with a yellow door. That yellow door was replaced with brown, and the brown gradually turned to rusty silver because of the bars.