𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥 (Ticci Toby x Male Reader)

🅒🅘🅡🅒🅛🅔🅢

I paused, looking at Toby's glossy eyes. He put his head down, his hair falling in front of his face, to hide his emotions. I could feel his embarrassment radiate off of him, but I didn't know why.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong? Why are you crying, Tobes?" I asked, reaching my hand across the table. That little nickname almost came to be naturally by now.

I didn't know what I was doing or what exactly I was offering by giving him my hand, but it felt right to do so. I was even tempted to reach out and brush away the hair from his eyes, but I didn't take it that far.

"I'm not crying..." He said it in a wavering voice. His shoulders hunched, and I could see his bodies slight tremble.

"Toby, I can see that you are." I said, keeping my hand palm up on the table. "You're trembling." I added quietly.

Toby's mangled hand raised to press against his eyes, and I could hear his staggering breaths.

"I feel so fucking pathetic..." Toby admitted, sobbing halfway before holding back and burying his mouth in the crook of his elbow.

I took the opportunity to gently take Toby's hand and run my thumb over his damaged knuckles. It took a moment for Toby to truly realize what I was doing. I was touching his hand. I was holding it.

I cupped the same hand with my other, gently caressing the traumatized skin. I watched the quiet tears fall down his cheeks as I did.

"Why do you think that?" I asked with a soft sincerity in my tone.

I used one hand to hold his while the other traced small circles on his skin. The gesture seemed to make him tense but also somewhat calm him down.

"I feel so childish and so stupid." He said, smearing the tears in his face with his free hand while staring at his other hand. "I can't even take care of myself, and I'm a grown adult."

"That's not true." I stated, shaking my head before tilting it to the side.

Toby let out another soft cry, nodding his head.

"Yes, it is..." He sobbed, crossing his arm on the table and capturing his tears in the sleeve. "That's why I had to go to that shitty psych ward."

I wanted to deny it again, but I realized it wouldn't help Toby feel any better. I continued to trace shapes gingerly on his skin, feeling all the little imperfections. I sighed, gently turning Toby's hand over to be palm up.

"I don't mind taking care of you." I said softly. "And I don't think your childish." I smiled, gently tracing the lines on his palm.

Toby looked up, and his eyes met mine, but his nose was still tucked into the hoodie's fabric.

"Don't be ashamed that you need a little help with a few things." I added, carefully holding his hand.

Toby's face twisted into slightly frustration, and he ripped his hand away, but the fury quickly melted away to reveal guilt.

"I don't want to be dependent. I-I've done things that normal people can't even imagine." Toby said, shrinking back in his seat with a flat expression.

My shoulders dropped, and I looked down at the table, tapping it a few times before sliding out of the booth.

Toby looked up.

"Where are you going?" He asked, his eyes searching me for some hidden clue that wasn't even there.

I walked around the table and sat next to Toby, wrapping my arm around his shoulders and pulling him toward myself. He leaned my head close, trying to sound as soft and quiet as I could.

"I've seen the things you've seen, because I've done them too." I said, gently rubbing his shoulder. "Why do you think I kept you around so long, hm? Tobes, I like taking care of you."

"I don't understand why you want that. I haven't done much good for you." He said, not meeting my gaze.

"I'm not as lonely with you." I said.

The words fell from my mouth before I had even thought about it, but it was true. I could tell he didn't believe me, so I rested my head on top of his. My hand slowly went from his shoulder to his hair, gently twirling and twisting one of the locks.

"What are you doing?" Toby asked. His voice feigned annoyance as he spoke, and he rested his head more snuggly into the crook of my neck.

I wish I could have answered his question, but I was asking myself the same thing. I went from fesring the worst in Toby to wanting to treat him so kindly-like a lover.

I brushed that thought aside and let my hand fall from his shoulder.

"I'm comforting you." I said, slowly resting my head on top of his. A faint blush was painted on my cheeks, and I prayed that Toby wouldn't notice.

Toby went quiet, wiping the wettness from his eyes with his sleeve. He slowly moved, sitting up and letting go of me completely. He looked numb; the only sign of emotion was his red face and puffy eyes from sleeping.

"That feels odd." He admitted quietly, looking down at the table and picking at the corner of it.

My eyebrows furrowed at his words with pity, and I slowly scooted back around to my side of the table. The kind waitress came back, setting our drinks down.

"Your food will be out soon." She said as she went over to attend a different table.

I nodded with a quiet "thank you" before setting my attention back on Toby. He looked at his drink before taking a straw from the table and poking through it. I tilted my head, leaning my elbows on the table.

I was almost tempted to say something, anything to make him look up with a smile, but my words caught in my throat. I looked at the discarded straw wrapper before picking it up and twisting it methodically.

Toby took a sip of his drink, pressing the straw between the roof of his mouth and tongue to get a suction. It was an interesting sight to ogle, but I glanced back to the small pentagon in my hands. I squeezed the point with my nails, making a small little paper star and setting it back on the table.

Toby's eyes glanced at the small thing, teaching over and picking up to see it better.

"How did you do that?" He asked, rolling the little star in his palm to see every angle.

I shrugged, putting my hands in my lap.

"I learned when I was bored one day." He shrugged, looking at the waitress as she came over and set our plates in front of us.

Just before the waitress could walk away, Toby blurted out a shaky "thanks". The waitress glanced at him with a nod before turning on her foot and leaving.

"Someone's getting braver," I smirked teasingly, unraveling my utensils from their napkin confines.

Toby looked down at his plate bashfully before picking up his fork.

"I'm trying." He mumbled shyly, poking his fork at his food.