Sᵾđđɇn̷ Ɇm̷øŧɨøn̷s̷ a̷n̷đ Ⱥƀn̷øɍm̷a̷łłɏ Ꝁɨn̷đ Sᵽɨđɇɍs̷

Ŧħɇ Føøł

☽♥☾♥☽♥☾♥☽♥☾♥☽♥☾♥☽♥☾♥☽♥☾♥☽♥☾♥☽♥☾♥☽♥☾

It was very quiet in his room, and the light emitted a sort of eerie light. He didn't think he would ever say this, but he missed the magician's voice. Hisoka always knew what to say and knew what would cheer him up when Hisoka saw that he was a bit more distant than usual. Now? He didn't know. It was like he was afraid of Illumi- no, not afraid of him. It was like the magician was scared of what he might do to Illumi. The thought caused him to frown and ponder over this for what seemed like hours. While thinking, an aching around his neck caused him to lift a hand and trace over where it hurt. Despite looking himself over multiple times to check for any external injuries, he never found any trace of the beating he had been given. 

It must have been Chrollo. He thought, but even though he looked fine, he felt sore and sharp pains would spread throughout him whenever Illumi moved too much. 

Knock. Knock. Two paused but not exactly sharp knocks came from outside. He blinked and tapped on the side of his bed, just audible for them, no, him, to enter. He would know that knocking from anywhere as it was his way of distinguishing himself from others. The door opened and, to Illumi's expectancy, Hisoka walked in and closed the door behind him. 

"Hello, Illu." He said in that soft tone that he had been using the past few days. Illumi simply nodded to show acknowledgement. "I've brought some food." 

The gentle tapping of the magician's heels caused Illumi to close his eyes and lean back a bit.

 "Do you not feel hungry?" Hisoka asked, and he opened his eyes again rather quickly. 

"Why do you ask that?" The magician shifted a bit and Illumi realized that he was currently feeling a bit embarrassed. 

"When I mentioned I had brought food, you closed your eyes and leaned back in a sort of uninterested way." Illumi blinked again, realizing that his relaxed and uninterested postures were quite the same. "I can just save it for later if you want-" 

"No, I feel rather hungry right now." Illumi cut in, straightening and extending his hand. 

Hisoka brought a small box out from his bag and placed it in the ravenet's outstretched hand and- there it was. The barely noticeable but just there flinch as their fingers touched for a moment. Hisoka gave him a smile and retracted his hand once Illumi had a grip on it and Illumi suppressed a frown. 

"Now then, I guess I better get going. Chrollo needs some help and I need to check up on Purpurea. Call me when you're finished so I can go and pick up the box. G'bye, Illu!" And with that, Hisoka left. 

"Okay, I guess." Illumi said, but he knew no one was listening anymore. 

He sighed and stared down at the food, picking at the top until he finally opened the box. A very faint smile appeared on his face as he saw the little dessert that Hisoka had given him. Chiisana Caras, or 'Little Ravens', were small cakes about two inches wide while being slightly taller than two inches. Hisoka had made them specially for him, saying something about how they had reminded him of the ravenet. So, he finished his food but left one Chiisana Karasu to sit atop the box. Illumi stared at the raven for a long time before falling back onto the currently inclined bed.

 "What am I doing wrong?" Illumi asked aloud. "Eighteen years, I've known him for eighteen years and yet once he sees me injured one time, he acts as if simply touching me is going to cause my death. Why? I've given him no reason to act like that. If I had seen Hisoka in my position, I would've..." 

His voice died in his throat as he stared at the unmoving raven. "Oh, goodness..." He set the box with the raven on the nightstand and brought his legs up to his chest despite how the action hurt, covering his face with his hands. 

"What in the world am I even doing...? I should be out of bed by now and heading back home, home where I'm supposed to feel safe and yet... I don't feel safe there. I don't want to go back home, back to my parents and back to where I can't see Hisoka anymore. I'm talking to a raven because I hate it when he comes in here and just leaves. Because I actually enjoy hearing his voice and hearing about his adventures and the people he's met and the things he's done and the freedom he has. I enjoy his company, and if I'm being honest, I don't think I could live without seeing him even if I tried. And I'm a fool because of that." As he continued to talk, he continued to curl in on himself. His nails dug into his arms while he tried to sort through all of these strange emotions suddenly surfacing. "I'm a fool to enjoy his presence, a fool to eagerly wait every day for him to come in here, a fool to wish I could record his voice so that when I'm alone I can pretend that he's with me, a fool to..." He paused, frowning deeply. "To feel so happy whenever he's with me, to have this strange warmth in my chest. Because he's the only person who I can trust, and the only person who hasn't left yet." He slowly uncurled himself and stared up at the ceiling, a wave of exhaustion hitting him. "Because I'm a fool to believe that sooner or later he won't end up like you, Edasi, my shin'yū."