Shy Eyes

4

I stared at myself in the mirror. It was like I was looking at someone else. My black hair was faded and stringy. My skin was pale. I had lost weight and looked dead. The only thing that didn't change were my green eyes. They became dull when I was looking at my brother. They were bright when I looked at my only friend. Asher. Who asked me to lunch. I didn't own makeup or anything to make me look pleasant. But I guess he didn't notice. It wasn't even a date, was it? No. I didn't go on dates.
I lazily brushed my hair making it's waves slightly less distorted. I wandered naked over to my closet and pulled out an outfit. Black skinny jeans, a black T-shirt. I wasn't necessarily goth.. I just felt more hidden and protected in black. I grabbed my bag, put it on my shoulder, shoved my hands in my pockets and wandered down the stairs. When I left the house Asher was waiting for me... On a motor cycle. I stopped in my tracks.
"I was supposed to meet you there." I stated.
"Well I decided to come get you." He said smirking.
" But if my parents see me on... That... No Asher, I can't." I said firmly.
" Fine," he sighed "I guess we'll have to do this the hard way."
I shot up an eyebrow as he got off his motorcycle and headed towards me.
"What are y-" I started.
He shut me up by kneeling down, wrapping one arm around my knees and throwing me over his shoulder. I gasped and smacked his shoulder to let me down.
"You idiot put me down!" I sqealed angrily at him.
He set me down directly in front of his motorcycle.
"How do you want to ride it?" He said motioning toward the machine.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
" You can either hold on to me from the back or sit in front while I reach around you to help drive." He spoke with a smirky smile that made my heart speed slightly.
" Whatever is safer I guess?" I said uneasily.
He smirked one last time. Before setting me on his bike on the front seat.
"Careful Paisley, don't touch the pipes." He spoke concerning of me as I pressed my ankle against the hot pipe. I gasped and reached down to touch my injury.
" You okay?" He asked.
I nodded. He swung his leg over the bike and sat behind me. He grabbed my wrists and placed my hands on the handles. He put his hands over mine so he was in control. His chest presses against my back making me feel warmer. I took a deep breath. This was making me nervous. He twisted the handles making the bike roar. I shrunk a little into him. I was scared of motorcycles.
"Its okay," he said lightly into my ear "I've got you."
We went forward into the road and eventually it wasn't so scary anymore. I didn't even want to hold on. It was such a smooth and steady ride. He made me feel safe.
I laughed.
"I knew you would like it." He said loudly over the wind.
I slid my hands from under his. I placed them on one of his outstretched arms and looked to the side. I could see me reflection on windows of buildings as we drove by. Seeing my dull face made my smile disappear. I looked hideous. I shrunk back down, and lowered my head.
That's kind of what my brother looked like, besides the burns, cuts, bruises, and bandages. A tear slid down my cheek but flew back from the wind, hitting Asher.
I guessed he'd felt it because his knuckles turned white and he leaned in more, but he didn't say anything. The silence was good. It was like he knew me perfectly already.
We arrived at the restraurant in silence. He hopped of and gently took my hand and helped me off.
He held my shoulders and looked into my eyes. He looked sympathetic but also sad, as if he felt exactly how I did.
He slowly wrapped his arms around me in a warm hug.
"Let's try to have a good time, that's what we came here for isn't it?" He spoke softly. I nodded and he pulled back. He lightly gripped my shoulders with a sweet smile once more, then guided me into the restaurant.
We sat down in a booth and sat across from each other.
We ordered our food and drinks. After that we stared at each other for a while. His stare was like a healing sensation that slowly charged me up.
" So tell me about yourself? Besides what you told me the other day." I suggested.
He laughed a little. He was so cute.
" Well my name is Asher Waters. I'm 17. Junior. I play football, basketball, and soccer. I have black hair and blue eyes. I'm 6'4'. I have.. Or had a sister. My parents are divorced and I live with my mom. My dad travels. I own a car and a motorcycle. I'm not a huge party person. I don't date like... Ever. No one has made me feel that way yet I guess. I'm probably a bad influence. I'm mean, but I respect earth. I hate people who harm anything. I hate people in general. However, I love to read, paint, skate board, surf, write, and sleep of course. I'm an A+ student I don't know why. I really don't like school." We both laughed.
He went quiet for a second focusing on me.
"I just made a friend. She's kind of ditzy, kinda weird, vulnerable , mistreated, but unmistakebly smart, outgoing, strong, she understands me, and she's...kinda...outrageously beautiful." He said looking at me. "Oh, and she's also sitting across from me right now."
I smiled a little and looked down at my lap. My heart beat was quick and loud. I wondered if he could hear it.. Or feel it.
"Tell me about yourself." He laughed shyly. I looked up to see his cheeks which were slightly flushed. I smiled.
"I'm uh... Paisliet... Evergreen. The only person who calls me that is my mom. Uh. Sorry. Never mind.." I started.
"I'm Paisley. I'm 16. Junior. I... I draw. Kind of. Im not very good though. I'm still searching to find who I am. Well not really searching. I'm more like a snail hiding in its shell. I'm incredibly insecure. No self esteem. I'm scared of everything. I'm weak. I'm depressing. I'm boring. I have no talent. No friends. I'm just.. No-one." I said, not looking him in the eye.
He reached across the table and took my hand.
"I see someone in you. Her name is Paisley. Not Paisliet. She thinks she's nothing. But she's actually everything. She just hasn't found herself in the world yet. But I see it in her eyes. The world. Waiting for her. Waiting to make her blossom into a bright... flower or something cheesy like that... Full of life.... That's what I see." He spoke kindly. I smiled, laughing.
" I read a lot. Because it takes me away from reality. Makes me forget everything that's around me. I get to be somewhere made up and happy where I don't have to worry. I like to space out. I'm absent minded. It really is important to me because I don't have to face anything. I can just.. Disappear for a moment. Slip out of my body and go to paradise. Where I float, and every problem.. Every evil atom that eats at my soul is drowned out. I get to be free..." I told him, trusting him. " I would never tell anyone this. Because its so personal to me. But I trust you. Maybe you're my guide into the world. My guide to finding myself... I want you to be that."
I looked at his blue eyes. They reflected mine.
I felt my cheeks get hot as I made a decision that was far from my comfort zone. I pressed a kiss onto my fingers and pressed it onto his cheek. He smiled so sweetly at me that I felt like I could melt.
The lady brought us our food and I took my hand away.
"Cheers." I said holding up my glass.
*********
We left the restaurant with smiles on our faces, creases in our eyes from laughing. We learned a lot about eachother. We decided to go for a short walk. To discover more about where I moved to. For a little while we said nothing.
" Who's your favorite super hero?" I asked looking at him sideways.
"Spiderman." He said chuckling.
"No WAY!" I said hitting his shoulder playfully.
"Ow..what?!" He laughed.
" Spideys my favorite. You thief." I said.
" I like this." He said sighing.
"Like what?" I asked
" Seeing you have a good time. Seeing you laugh. Opening up to me. Its great." He said.
" It definitely feels good to be happy for once in my life." I said. " Thank you Ash."
He put his hand in mine, lacing our fingers.
" That's cute." He said
"What is?"
" The way you call me Ash." He laughed.
" That's cute." I said back.
"What?" He asked looking at me.
" Your laugh.... Everything about you." I confessed.
He smiled like a big idiot and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
Soon enough we had made it to my front door step.
I didn't want it to be over. I felt that if the night ended and the sun rose up... Things would get bad again. As if this night I had was only a fantasy.
He turned toward me suddenly wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me against him.
" We are definitely doing this again." He said.
"Are you sure?" I laughed.
" oh yeah.. I'm sure." He said leaning in.
He put his hand in my hair, still holding a strong gaze with me. Then he kissed my head. It wad a sudden feeling of floating. Like time had froze and everything was exactly the way i wanted it to be. Perfectly put together like puzzle pieces. Like I had found my way into the puzzle called life. I didnt want that feeling to go away. I thought he was going to kiss me and that thought freaked me out but again Asher surprised me by hugged me tightly instead which brough me extreme comfort. I felt like for once in a long time someone could take the pressure off of me for at least a few seconds. It was great. I felt protected.
He let me down smiling.
" You, are amazing Paisley." He said.
" So are you." I said almost breathless.
" Goodnight." He said kissing my forehead.
"Goodnight." I said as he stepped down the step on my porch and wandered back to his awesome ride.
I hadn't felt this good in so long that I don't even remember the last time I did. My heart fluttered. My skin tingled with warmth. I felt alive.
*********
I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. Then I stepped inside. I expected to get the beating of my life for being home late, on a motorcycle, with a boy. That's not what happened. I walked in to see my parents sitting together on the couch. My mom was dressed casually which I didn't see much out of her. My dad was in his uniform still. They had their heads tilted down because they were looking at a book.
I opened my mouth to say something but they spoke instead. My mom looked up with tears on her cheeks.
" Come here Paisley." She spoke softly.. Like she would to Jonny because she loved him. Not to mention that she always called me Paisliet not Paisley. I didn't say anything I just silently approached them.
" Have a seat." My dad said in the same tone. However, he sounded sad.