Shy Eyes

6

My heart dropped into my stomach in a sudden movement. The feeling you got on a steep roller coaster when it went straight down. The feeling of falling. My eyes snapped open and I sat up in my bed, coughing and gasping lung fulls of air.
Nightmares.
I had so many for so many years. On some nights I would have the same dream again, maybe a little changed. They used to haunt me and send me deeper into my depressed state, but none of those dreams felt like the ones I had been having ever since Jonny went to the hospital.
I dreamed of a field. It wasn't any normal field. It was split in half by an invisible barrier. The grass was pure green on one side. The clouds white and poofy, sky blue, and the color of yellow flowers that dotted the grass. On the other side of the line was dead, brown grass. The sky was filled with black clouds, the sky was gray, and everything was dark. Jonny's hospital bed laid in the middle of both barriers, half on the light, half on the dark. There was an angel dressed in white that placed its hand on Jonny's shoulder, on the bright side. There was a death angel dressed in black who placed her hand upon Jonny's other shoulder, on the dark half. The friendly angel looked down at Jonny with sad eyes that did express hope. The hand on his shoulder represented strength she was giving him, and the support he needed. However the other angel laid her hand upon his other shoulder with the intention of pain, regret, pity, no remorse. She smiled devilishely at him and raised her eyes to meet mine. They were red, and her orbes were flaming on the inside. I screamed and ran. Ran so far that I fell into darkness. That's when I awoke from the nightmare.
Looking at the clock it read, 4:30 am. I rubbed at my eyes and pulled mysf out of bed. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. My parents hadn't hit me ever since the day they confronted me about Jonny, but that didn't mean that the fear was gone or that I felt safe. I would never feel safe again. I tip toed out of my room and into Jonny's. Being in his room was a painful reminder of where he was and what he was going through, but it still comforted me to extreme levels. I felt so secure. However all I really wanted the most was for him to be able to hold me again, to tell me how much he cared and loved me. I shook the thought from my head. I went to his bookshelf and pulled out a magic treehouse book. He used to read them to me when I was younger. I loved them. I sat on his side of the bed, the room lit by only his bedside lamp. That was how I liked reading at night. I read far into the book, it made me tired. The relationship between the boy and girl reminded me of mine with Jonny. It made me smile. When I flipped the page to the book there was writing in it. I knew right away it was my brothers handwriting. My hand covered my mouth upon instinct.
It read:
Paisley,
You are my sister. My beloved sister. And you are so much more than just my sister. You're my heart. My best friend. You are scared, and insecure. You have doubt, and grief. You push yourself away from things that could make you happy. I want you to know something. I don't know if you will ever read this, but you should know. This world isn't meant to be a place to hide in. Its a place where you spread your wings and find a new destination. To get there you have to complete obstacles. You don't see it Pais. Life isn't supposed to be everything you want it to be. You have to let life run its course. You have to let it ruin you sometimes. But you have to be strong and fight. You have to know that the obstacle doesn't last forever. You will always find a way out. You deserve happiness, and love. You deserve the world. You just don't see it. I want to give you the world but I cant. I want to fix all of your problems but I cant. Only you can. And I believe in you. You dont see what I see in you. You're the strongest person I know. You are my other half and you inspire me every day. You fight, and you dont fall down, whether you believe me or not. You will see it someday. And I hope I'm there to see you when you're on top of the world Pais. You must find yourself. You must love yourself. Paisley there is nothing you cannot do. If you read this, know that wherever I am, wherever you are, whatever we are doing, no matter what, I support you. I believe in you. Always. I will never, ever give up on you. I love you more than anything in the world.
~Yours truly
Jonny