Shy Eyes

19

He was so tired, a feeling that settled in weeks ago. His brain and body wanted to shut down. His body wanted to die.

In the beginning all he felt was pain. Everywhere. A pain that was pure agony, so much that he could never stop screaming and thrashing in his head.

But something had made him hold on. Something in his mind and heart.

It was her. With her black wavy hair, her forest green eyes, her smile. But more importantly, her tears, her pain, her sorrow. He held on for her. Because no matter how much he wanted to die, he had to stay. He would never leave her. When she was there, crying or not, it calmed his pain. It distracted him. Only she could sooth him.

As the days and weeks passed he grew weaker and weaker, losing the strength to fight even though his wounds were healing. He wanted to let go. Ever time she came to see him he could hear every word she said, which brought him into a mental state that made him feel stronger. Her sobs, her apologies, her tears, hitting his skin, made him scream over and over inside of his head, begging to let him out. Let him reach out to her and hold her. But the more he tried the more painful it became. He would remember times they had together. Like when he let her hide in the compartment of his closet. How she'd crawl into bed with him in the middle of the night because she couldnt sleep. She'd never known that he couldn't sleep either, not without her... Panic attacks happened every so often. He could hear his heart monitor speed up and beat loudly. He could feel the doctors hands on him, pressing into his chest, putting oxygen in his body. He was awake for everything.

All the news he was given were the things that made him hold on. Like when she told Johnny their father had hurt her. He'd be so angry and he felt himself getting closer to opening his eyes. When she told him their parents had been arrested, his mind exploded. He knew that she was closer to being safe. He was angry he couldn't have helped sooner. When she said that our dad kidnapped her and took something away from her so bad that she couldn't even speak of it, he was more angry than he had been throughout the entire coma. He wanted to tear myself apart limb from limb if it meant he could wake up and help her. When she told him that they weren't siblings his heart set on fire and leaped out of his chest. He didn't understand why he reacted that way...

And then everything changed.

A woman who called herself Eve came and said that Asher had been killed. The one guy who protected my sister, and helped her survive. Eve told him that Paisley had gone back to her old ways, crying, cutting, and being depressed all the time. Jonny knew she wouldn't make it. He had to wake up. But he couldn't. His body still wouldn't allow him.

He'd never been so angry in his life.

The day the nurse came in and told him that Paisley had stabbed herself and was in a short comatose state, he lost it completely. His body went into panic mode. His body woke up. His organs started working, his blood flowed faster, his brain became fully active and his eyes opened.

He argued every day with the nurses to release him to see his Paisley, but they wouldn't . He was put on bed rest because he was still too weak to be without medical aid. It had been three days after Johnny woke up that they let him go to her room. And Paisley hadnt woken up. He immediately got dressed and went to her room. She laid there, in a coma, on the hospital bed, and now he understood how she must have felt. At first all he felt was relief and swelling I  his heart from seeing her face. He missed her so much. But It was the most painful thing to see her that way. A bandage wrapped around her lower stomach. Her hospital gown was short and didn't keep her warm. He knew she was cold. She looked lifeless. He wanted to cry. He knew that she could hear him, but he said nothing, because he didnt want to wake her if she was sleeping. One thing he knew was that even if his eyes were closed, the times he'd get sleep were precious, since being trapped and screaming all day took a tole on him. So he just held her hand and cried. Her skin was porsalin smooth like he'd remembered. She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, despite the bruises, the tangled hair, and baggy eyes. Her cheeks were still slightly flushed and her lips were still colored. He could barely look at her. His silent tear touched her hands. His jaw clenched in frustration. His heart was a swirling hurricane of emotion. She wasn't his sister. He expected to feel sad about it, but instead it was like a fire had started in his chest. He'd always known that something was off between them. Even as a kid, she was like a best friend.  He didn't always see her as a little sister, she didnt feel like a little sister, at times he saw her as something else. He was angry when he heard about how close she and Asher had become. He was jealous. He always avoided it, hating himself for thinking that way about her, because she was his sister after all. Or so he'd been told. Now that he knew the truth, he didn't know how to stop thinking about her like that.

Because he loved her.

More than a family kind of love.

 He stayed like that for a long time, his hands around hers, before he had to leave, unable to look at her any longer. Jonny leaned over her and gently kissed her forehead. And then he slipped out of her room, curious as to if she was actually awake and if she knew it was him.

He went back down two floors to his hospital room and continued to pack his things. Then he went to the waiting room of the hospital and waited. He'd wait for as long as he had to until she woke up.

Jonny sat up when a nurse tapped his shoulder. He'd fallen asleep there all night.

The nurse smiled with straight white teeth and freckled cheeks.

"You must be Jonny." She smiled, "I'm assuming you're here for Paisliette?"

He nodded his head.

"I'm very happy to tell you that she has woken up. Would you like to see her?" She asked.

She didn't have to ask.

Jonny stood up and headed for the staircase, not taking a glance at an elevator. Not fast enough.

"Wait, sir!" The auburn haired nurse caught up to him.

"Visiting hours start in 10 minutes. She needs checked on first as well. Just come with me and you can wait outside of her room for a couple of minutes okay?" She said softly, like a therapist, trying to calm a mad man.

None-the-less he obeyed. He sat outside of her door, dying, knowing that her eyes were open. The nurse was the first person she saw when she woke up and that angered him.

A moment later the nurse opened the door and stepped out, smiling.  Jonny grabbed the handle and stepped into the room.

The sight of her made him weak in the knees. Her hair was flowing around her shoulders, the blankets gathered at her hips as she sat up. Her green eyes shooting to meet his. Instantly, her hand was on her mouth, and tears were building behind her eyelids. His heart squeezed harder than it ever had. He felt every part of him ignite. Because what was in front of him was real. He wasn't dreaming. She was real. They were both alive. And he could finally see her. And she could finally see him. He could speak to her again. Hold her again. He couldnt stand her tears anymore. And he started towards her at the same time as she started towards him, all while his name slipped out of her mouth.

"Jonny-"
***
Johnny is more emotional than we thought eh? 😉