Shy Eyes

15

My eyes opened. I quickly sat up before realizing that I was home. That I wasn't in that room anymore. I was on a fluffy bed covered in blankets and pillows. Sunlight streamed into the room and the air smelled like clean linen. I was safe, but no longer did I feel safe. I turned my head to see Asher's sleepy form right next to me. His hair was a mess on his head and one arm was curled under the pillow and the other was still loosely around my waist.

Images and memories came flooding back into my brain, reminding me of everything I just went through.

He's not my brother.

How could have not felt that. We looked so much alike. Why would my parents ever take him? Part of me wished they never did that, because Jonny could have had an amazing life where none of this shit would have ever happened to him. And the other part of was selfish and had to have Jonny in my life, because I couldnt do any of this alone.

I'm not his little sister.

What if part of him knew? That he and I weren't connected by blood? Could he feel something like that? Could he sense it?

He'll never know the truth so why does it matter?

Jonny had been in the hospital, and in a coma for a month. It was such a short time but felt like years to me. Because I had to have him by my side every day growing up. I needed him. And now I was going everyday without even seeing his face. Not hearing his voice. Not feeling his protective arms around me. My big brother. I wondered if he had any siblings in his real family.

Suddenly I was pulled into Asher.

"Stop crying." He whispered. "You're going to be okay."

I shivered. Asher did love me. He was there for me. He practically nurtured me. But his arms weren't Jonny's and it always felt different. It wasn't the same. But how could I not love Asher? He's done so much for me, and he's saved me from the hell I've been living. It's not like it mattered because Asher wouldn't even want me anymore once he found out that I was no longer pure.

"He isn't my brother." I whispered.

Asher leaned back to look at me..

"Does it feel different, knowing you don't have his blood?"

"Yes." I replied, " it feels really weird. Like I've just been living another lie. That he could have had a great life, that he wouldn't have had to live this hell hole that I lived, and that, I might not have ever had him."

"I know its hard, but there wasn't anything you could do. At least he got to grow up knowing someone like you." He said cupping my cheek.

"Thank you." I sniffled and unravelled myself from the bed sheets.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"To the hospital."

His eyes widened.

"What?" He asked.

"You heard me." I said," I need to stop dwelling over the fact that I could lose him and enjoy the time I have left with him. And maybe if he can at least hear me, I can tell him the truth. He'll know."

I looked down at my feet, regretting every moment I've spent outside of the hospital. I heard rustling of the bed sheets and looked up to a disheveled Asher.

"Alright, let's go."

"No. I'm doing this alone." I said glaring.

"Why?" He asked pointedly.