Pardon My Emotions

Prologue

It had been ten years since I last saw these same old greens and landscapes on our way back to Aurora, the last time was when we moved out and I was peeking through the bus window the whole ride.

Suddenly, it is summer of 2014 all over again. The strikes of nostalgia, familiarity, and wonders swarming inside my chest as my eyes continues to wander outside.

All these years, while I was growing up, hindi ko inakalang may possibility pa pala na makabalik ako ng Aurora matapos ang ilang taon na umalis kami para mag-settle sa city. Thinking that we wouldn't be coming back again, I also tried to set aside all the memories I had back there.

Those memories gave me the chills just when I recalled them. The cold air is hitting my skin, my throat is running dry, and as soon as the kids passing by while riding their bicycles in the empty road caught my eye, I was reminded of someone really close to me during the time.

Sa city na ako lumaki and I can say everything was fine then even though may kaunting adjustments noong una. At the end of the day, naging sobrang focused din ako sa studies ko. It wasn't easy—definitely not the same compared to when I was in Aurora—but I made enough friends in my new school.

Naging sobrang occupied ang isip ko na parang wala nang space para sa iba. For ten long years, I know hindi ko siya puwersahang kinalimutan, naibuhos ko lang ang oras ko sa mga pinagkakaabalahan sa Helveryst High.

I feel horrible, and it doesn't help na bumabalik na sa akin ang lahat. Lahat ng memories na nabuo ko na muntik nang maibaon sa limot, which in fact dapat nga binabaon ko na para hindi na mahirap sa part ko, but it's such a waste kung ganon.

What happened to me back then, was what I consider a once in a lifetime experience. Kahit makahanap man ako ng bagong kaibigan, circle of friends, romantic relationships—I know it will never surpass the amount of fondness I have for this someone.

And in the end, all I really wanted was let those memories play inside my head like an old film. No matter how angsty it was.

Right there and then, the image of an innocent, skinny boy from ten years ago appeared from the back of my mind. Kasper, the kid who once hated me for stealing his scissor when we were in grades school, ended up becoming a friend of mine after sharing a meal with him under a bridge.

I always knew I'd love to be friends with him the first time I saw him in the classroom.

He was so quiet and reserved; his long fringes covers his eyes, his knuckles would turn white because he always had something to write on his sketchbook. Later, I found out that it was his way to avoid getting a potential conversation with everyone.

Naalala ko pang naiinis ako everytime na ina-isolate niya ang sarili niya kahit marami naman ang gustong kausapin siya at makipaglaro, even I was painfully rejected.

I had enough of his stoic demeanor so one day naisipan ko nalang na nakawin ang gunting niya during the time na may art project kaming ginagawa sa loob ng classroom.

Gusto ko lang magpapansin at makita kung ano ang magiging reaksyon niya, and he didn't disappoint, he finally gave me a reaction when he found out. Though he was so mad, wala namang pisikalang nangyari, masama lang ang tingin niya tuwing nakikita niya ako.

In all honesty, it wasn't bad. It was more like a turning point to me, something that motivates me to tease him even more. After that, mas madali nalang niya akong napapansin sa loob at labas ng school, he'd be pissed as usual but seeing him look at me under those fringes, I always took it as another step closer to him.

He had always been such a mysterious kid that one would sacrifice something just to see him break his character. So there was a time na hindi siya nakasagot sa recitation at na-save ko siya, he thanked me for the first time.