𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 - 𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠

(35).) 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄

Before I left the hospital after my duty, Heesung left the address of the villa that he's been staying here in New Zealand since he's discharged.

I know he's expecting me to come with him, but that's not easy. I'm not gonna go easy.

I decided to finish my ramen first before opening the envelop, so here I am now preparing myself for what's written inside.

I grabbed my plushie and hugged it, I've practiced holding my tears all these years but I know this one letter will break me in a second.

I took a deep breath before finally opening it.

Dear Sunhye,

         Since you were a kid I know how much you love your papa which is me, than your mama, you've been a Daddy's girl all your life and I'm so grateful for that. Do you still remember our first family trip? you've been nonstop crying because mama don't want you to buy a cotton candy at the park but papa did buy all the vendor's cotton candy for you, that made me and you mama fight, but it's fine because we love our only daughter.

          I'm truly guilty for all the things your ma and I did to you. I feel like I pushed you too much, causing you to broke down. As your Dad I thought everything that I'm doing is just for the good future of my daughter, I was mistaken, because it just broke you, ruined you. When you left, I immediately realized that I was wrong for forcing you with everything, we did protected you from our enemies but we were the one who ruined you.

          Sunhye, I wrote this letter to ask for forgiveness since I only have days or a week to live. I'm truly sorry, I'm guilty, I want to see and hug you for the last time even though I know and it's obvious that you won't forgive me... I'm still hoping for you to show up and give me one last goodbye, a hug maybe if it's okay to you.

        My dearest daughter, my Sunhye, my pupu, before this letter comes to the end, I want you to stick to your mind that none of everything happened is your fault, you've been a good daughter to us, a perfect one.

    

I love you so much,
Sunhye Shin, RN. 
  

I lost it, I feel like my eyes are burning. I hugged my pillow together with the letter. I can't... it's hurting me, I'm so cruel.

"Ah!" I slammed my hands against the wall, letting all my frustration out. All these years of hiding, building my self for good and and trying to heal from the past are all nothing!

I've been selfish all these years, I always tell my self that I don't care though I know I deeply care about them, about everything.

All these years, we're both suffering.

I immediately wipes my cheeks and wear my pajamas as soon as I hear a knock from my door.

"Who told you my address?" I was surprised to see Heesung standing in front of my door, holding different dishes came from different stores.

"Mark told me."

Mark? What the fuck?

"I thought we're good, so..."

"Nah, come in." I helped him with holding the plastic bags and directed to the kitchen. I don't know what to feel at this moment.

"I'm sorry, are you about to sleep?" his voice is really toned down, I almost didn't hear him.

"Don't act dumb, the moment you saw me at the door you quickly checked my eyes." I rolled my eyes and proceed to get some utensils for the food.

He gulped as he starts to help too, "Sorry, do you wanna talk about it?"

"You always ask that since the night I saw you at the ER. I've read it, and I'm not okay." I started to munch the chicken, getting comfortable in front of him instantly.

Just like the old days, I see.

"I'm all ears tonight since I'm coming home tomorrow." He opened the soda, and gave it to me I drank it before responding to him.

Not surprising, he told me that yesterday

"I'll still think about it, I have a duty tomorrow."

"Do you want me to adjust my flight?" He genuinely said as he looked at my eyes, what the fuck are you trying to make me feel and say Lee Heesung?

"Just because of that? you're gonna waste some money? Na-uh, stop with that, I said I'll still think about it."

"But it's fine, I know you already decided about it."

He... still know me.

"Hmm. How's your wound? your knee? did the police already find the culprit?"  I asked, trying to change the topic.

He shook his head, "I'm not a resident here, I won't be their priority, so just let it be."

"So... you can handle all your things tomorrow at the airport?"

"Are you indirectly offering me a hand?" he teasingly smile, making me bit my lips not to laugh.

I'm fucked up.