How To Kill a Songbird

Chapter 43: I Am Autism and I Have Had It With Demonic Band Directors

I didn't have a nightmare this time. I was kissing someone at a party. I thought it was Morgan. All around us were lively people who were drunk, happy, and loud. We were in a house that might have belonged to a frat. I pulled away and realized that it wasn't Morgan who I was kissing. It was Soph. What the hell? I rubbed my mouth like I kissed the asshole of a dog. I love her, but after I got with Morgan, it suddenly became disgusting to me.

"Dude," I coughed a little. "Why the fuck did you do that?!"

"Sorry mate," sighed Soph. "I needed to get your attention."

People were all around us. They somehow cleared a circle for both of us to talk. The music was loud as it played "Ruin My Life" by Hollywood Undead. It was a party anthem.  Their conversations around us were indistinct. It was like the busy hum of a school cafeteria.

"For what?" I asked. "How can you do this? Are you actually here with me?"

"Yes I am," Soph confirmed. "I have no idea how I pulled this off, but I don't have much time. He is using everything in my head against me. Please find me, Asher. Please. I don't want to die."

I immediately grabbed her hand and pressed our foreheads together, "I won't let that happen. I promise."

Soph pulled away from me, "Asher. Let me say something in case I don't make it."

"No don't talk like that!" I snapped a little. "I will save you."

"Ash," she started to say. I was thrown into a mental breakdown. No this can't happen again. I am tired of losing people. I was so frustrated I wanted to scream.

"I lost Jackson," I continued ranting. " I am not losing you. I will kill the bastard if he hurts you. I don't give two shits. I am tired of him hurting me and hurting the people I care about. That stupid motherfucker is going to pay. I will kill the damn bastard!"

"Ash," she said to try to get my attention.

I continued ranting. It all came out of me like a nasty pussing infection, "God fucking damn it! Why didn't I kill him when I had the chance to more than once? I fucking hate him! I fucking hate him. I lost Jackson. I failed to save him. You are my sister. The only one I can call that. I am not losing you. I refuse to let you go. I am going to fucking kill the cock sucking motherfucker! I HATE HIM!!!!"

"ASHER!!" Soph yelled over me, making me stop in my tracks. She grabbed my hand and pulled me into a hug." Listen to me you dumb Bruto Cune! We are wasting the time I have left."

I started crying. Soph held me for what might be the final time. I cried into her shoulder, "I can't lose you! No! I can't lose you. I am not losing you...."

I remember all the happy times we shared. I remember the conversations, the laughter, everything. I will lose my closest friend in the world. I will lose the one who I owe my life. I will lose the one who saved me from suicide at one point in my life. She will die because she is my best friend. I sobbed.

She reassured me, "Mate, I am scared too. I don't want to die despite how much I loathe myself."

She chuckled a bit. She always had some self-loathing. I sniffled, "You shouldn't Soph. You are one of the few amazing people I have ever had. I remember how my mom prayed to God to give me a friend that treated me right."

Right when Eve was giving me one of her signature silent treatments, I had my first depression episode. I woke up in the middle of the night and cried. My mom comforted me and she prayed for me to have a good friend. I believe Soph is that friend God promised me. Now I think I got her killed. I got my best friend killed.