How To Kill a Songbird

Chapter 21: Echos of the Past

I was tumbling in the blackness of my mind again. I felt like I was falling like Alice down the rabbit hole. All my memories were in flux. I remembered something that happened between my mom and me recently.

I was holding my mom close. She was stressed about finances. We moved to this new house for a better life not to just outrun Harlow, but my nasty next-door neighbor. Her name was Mickey Deetz. She stalked my mom and me since I was fourteen. We lived in a police state in our own home due to her cameras being aimed at our driveway. She had cameras aimed at our backyard as well. She also tried to kill my old service dog Ally Roo. Ally was a runt of a German Sheppard who weighed only 45 pounds her entire life. I still think she poisoned her, but there was no evidence. I held my mom.

"Mom," I tried to reassure her. "You aren't an idiot."

"I am, Asher," she cried as I held her. "If I just saved the money back from selling the house..."

"Hey," I interrupted her tearing herself down. "That money is gone forever, Mom. No crying will bring that back. We will be ok."

"We have no money to pay the light bill and the gas," she cried into me. "I drug you into this."

"Mom, I am a consenting adult," I smile. I started crying, too. "I will never leave your side. I know this will make you cry more, but I am happy to say I am proud of one of my parents and that is you."

We both started crying.

"I want my mom," she cried.

"It's OK, Mom," I reassured her as she cried into me. I have been with her through the dark times and the best times. It was a very unique situation as most people say because I am autistic, I need a caregiver for my entire life. I will never be fully independent. It is halfway true as I couldn't survive if my mom lived more than an hour's drive away. She wouldn't either as she needs a caregiver as well due to her inability to work and how her body has broken down from the Army and a staph infection.

After I let go, I made sure she felt loved during this dark time in her life. She was even thinking about suicide. I knew that if she did, I would have no one as she is my rock and loudest supporter. I almost lost her in 2021. I am not going to lose her again. I did some dishes and more acts of servitude. That is her love language. I also slept in her room during a nap so she could have me in the room with her. It made her feel better, but that was just a band-aid on an open oozing wound that needed stitches and maybe surgical intervention. It will take more than that to help her.

I kept feeling like I was falling. I had another memory pop up. This time it was with Mr. S

I was at my workstation at the Pacific's Edge Technology Center. Outside the window, we could see the coastline of Oregon. It was very pretty as the ocean crashed on the rocks. I was anxious to come here due to my experience with Harlow. I was talking to Johnson who sat next to me when I felt a presence on the other side of the desk. It was Mr. S. At the time, I thought he could be like Harlow. When Harlow did that, it was always because I was in trouble. That is a surefire sign that I was about to get beat within an inch of my life.

"Hey, Miss MacArthur," Mr. S said in a Southern accent as he smiled. I tensed up at the mention of my name. I knew something was coming, I just didn't know what exactly. Mouse was under my desk, and she made me pet her.

"Hey, it's alright," said Mr. S in a soothing voice. "You don't need to be afraid."

I was anxious as I didn't know why he was being so nice to me. Was he trying to exploit me before he acted like Harlow?