Never Back Again // The Hobbit, Fili X OC

G(l)ory days

Tankards of Ale passed around between the cheerful company gathered around the fire, bringing a warm orange glow to the otherwise gloomy night sky. They had been sharing stories and drinks all night and Emma spoke of strange lands with stranger people. Even the more withdrawn members of their little group told tales that had everyone rolling on the floor.

Nights like these Emma enjoyed most. The simplicity of laughing around a warm fire with people she has grown to care about could almost make her forget about all the bad things in life. It brought hope, in a way. It was good to be reminded that despite the coldness of the world around her there will alway be joy in the simplest of things.

Moments like these she wished could last forever, but her moment of joy would end sooner rather than later. It was Fili sitting next to her who first inquired about her meeting with the elven lord, his voice filled with only curiosity and genuine interest in what she got up to. His question, though innocent, wiped the smile clean off her face.

As soon as he saw the change in her face, his brows furrowed too. "What happened?" he asked, the concern in his voice almost too much to bear for the woman.

Emma took a long swig from her tankard, stalling a moment before answering. She told everyone what Elrond had told her, trying her best to remember all the names and terms he had used. The way Elrond told her made her believe that it was not that big of a deal, and as much as she would like to believe that she had fully come to terms with it she still found it hard to wrap her head around. She stared at the endless ballet of flames as she talked, her eyes unfocused and her face blank. Topics such as this were not cut out for her.

It felt weird, she knew she was speaking but it sounded muffled and far away, like someone took the words out of her throat and told them in her stead. A chilling sensation washed over her, as if her head had been dunked under water and never resurfaced. Her hands got numb and her chest weirdly tight.

The sound of her own voice grew further away until she could no longer hear herself talk, at this point she wasn't even sure if she was still talking or not. The edges of her vision blurred until the dancing flames before her were all she could see. With every question that echoed in her head, there was a realization that washed over her like freezing water. None of this was real. It simply couldn't be.

She was lying in a dark cave somewhere deep in the mountains, unconscious or delirious she did not know. Maybe the past month was all just a vision conjured up by her jumbled mind. Jesse had called her unstable before, so making up a different reality in her head wouldn't be too far off either right? It sure made a lot more sense than that elf's explanation.

Yes that had to be it, she was just an unstable woman all alone in a cave, coming up with delusions about a different world to escape her own. It was too good to be true anyway, the dwarves and the hobbit and even the wizard were simple images, mere ideas of hesitant comradery playing in her mind on repeat. She didn't deserve them anyway.

A gentle yet firm hand on her shoulder pulled her back to the balcony. She would be embarrassed at how she jolted so hard the hand immediately pulled back again later, but for now she relished in the warm and grounding pressure she had felt on her shoulder, even if it was just for a split second.

It took her a bit to fully figure out what happened, but when she did her brows instantly furrowed in concern. This was bad. A moment like this could have easily gotten her killed. She would do well to be more careful in the future. Questioning her reality is one thing, but getting so caught up in it that she couldn't even pay attention to the world around her anymore was both dangerous and terrifying.

The faces of those around her were twisted in emotions she couldn't quite place. There was pity for sure, that unwanted pity that made her feel like she was something soft to be taken care of. That damned pity that was never shown to her when she was young and in desperate need of it. Back then she wished for it, or mercy at least, but now she despised even the slightest hint of it. She was not weak and did not need anyone's pity.