Golden Girl

1

"you'll never be anything" George screamed, with a cigarette in one hand, and a bottle of beer in the other as he paced up and down the porch

George was my long term boyfriend. High school sweethearts, the couple that everyone thought was perfect.

We weren't. Nowhere near. But no one knew that.

His twin brother died almost two years ago now, and ever since then, he's become a different person, not the man that I fell in love with. He was an abusive alcoholic, but I thought I could fix him. I realise now that was just naive. 

"this soccer thing, it's never going to work, stick to being a housewife" he joked, but you could tell he wasn't really joking

"I'm going to bed" I said, I'd had enough of this conversation.

"get me another beer on your way through"

"get it yourself"

I slammed the door, went upstairs, locked the door, and cried my eyes out for another night in a row.

He's just having a rough patch, I used to tell myself, he'll be back to his normal self in no time. I wasn't convincing anyone, let alone myself.

We hid it well, he never laid a hand on me, as much as sometimes I thought he would, so there was never any bruises to cover up, and as soon as we were in public, he was back to his old self. I think that's why I stayed for so long, I could see glimpses of the man I fell in love with back when I was 16 and, making me think that one day he would go back to that.

I've soccer, or football I should say, since I can remember. George used to be my number one fan, cheering me on at every game wearing my name on his back. That changed when his brother died, he just stopped caring about everything and anything, including me.

Portland Thorns offered me my first professional contract at 18, and ive played for them ever since. I'm now 24 and they've decided to not renew my contract. 

As much as that broke my heart, I was excited to grow professionally at another team. 

Playing in England was something that George and I had always talked about. it had always been my dream, and George supported that, or at least he used to.

Both of my parents were British. They moved here to Portland just before I was born, but moved back to England just over four years ago now. My older brother stayed here in America with his family, but my sister moved back with them as she was only 18.

George and I talked about moving to England all the time, it was something he used to support and loved to talk about it.

But when I brought it up earlier this evening, he flipped. I had been offered a few contracts in the WSL after word got out that the Thorns weren't resigning me, and I thought he'd be excited for us.

"we can start fresh" I said

He didn't care. He said he wasn't going, and that was that.

I didn't argue with him, it was too much effort, but I knew I wasn't going to give up on my dream for some deadbeat man.

--- 

The next few days went by as usual, I continued to train, came home, cooked dinner, argued with George, went to bed crying, it was my routine, and I was sick of it, I knew I had to leave

I knew I had to bring up England again to George, but I was scared, he scared me.

"we're going to Joe's for dinner" I said to George as I came home.

Joe was my brother and id invited ourselves to his for dinner. id come up with a plan whilst I was doing my usual gym session at training.

I was going to tell George that I was going to England at the same time as I told Joe and his family. George wouldn't shout at me there, he wouldn't dare shout anywhere that wasn't our home.

"how's football going Luce" my brother's wife, Alice, asked as we sat at the table

"I'm actually moving teams..." I gulped, looking over to George who's ears had perked up

"oh yeah? where you heading?" Joe asked as he handed me a glass of water

"england" i blurted out

Everyone's eyes darted towards me. I looked over at George who looked angry

"that's brilliant, mum and dad will be so pleased" Joe said. He was genuinely happy for me and I could tell. I wish George would be too

"does that mean your going too, George?" Alice asked

"umm, yeh, umm, maybe, we haven't really discussed it much" he said, sheepishly

"what team are you signing with?" Joe continued the conversation

"you know there's only one" I laughed

Our family had been Arsenal fans since the beginning. Our dad grew up in London and gave all of us kids no option but to support Arsenal.

"that's great, Luce, im so proud of you, have you told dad, he'll be over the moon"

"not yet, I thought id surprise them when I fly over next week"

I saw the look in George's eyes. he was angry, really angry. I knew this was the only way, though, but I still dreaded what would happen when we went home.

that time came around quickly, and we were sitting in silence driving home

"England then huh" George broke the silence

"yeah, you know its always been my dream" I responded. 

Georges tone was different to usual. he seemed sincere and not angry

"I do, im proud of you Luce, I really am"

We drove in silence the rest of the way

as we walked through our front door, George broke the silence again, "you'll really thrive over there, you know, you'll make a name for yourself, I'm sure of it"

"tha.."

"I haven't finished" he cut me off

"I'm sorry I couldn't be more for you. Tom's death, it... it just broke me.. I blame myself and I take it out on you. I hate it, I hate that I do it, but I do it without even realising"

I stood in silence, watching a tear fall down his face

"you deserve the world and more, and we both know I can't give that to you anymore, I just hope England can"

he wiped the tears from his cheeks as he turned around and walked away from me and into the kitchen to grab a beer.

"I'll love you forever, Lucy, but I'm no good for you. Do me a favour and be great, won't you?"

That was the last time we spoke. I went to bed straight after, he left that night and didn't come back until I was gone. I woke up to a text from him saying that he was going to stay with his parents until I had gone.

I had played that conversation out a hundred times in my head with 100 different outcomes, none ended that way, most ended with me and a black eye.