Golden Girl

13

Leah POV:

The team bus was alive with the usual pre-game energy as we made our way to the stadium. The air was buzzing with a mix of excitement, nervousness, and the quiet hum of focused determination. 

I was sitting across from Lucy, who was next to Lia, while Katie had plopped down beside me. Our legs brushed together under the small table separating us, and every time our eyes met, it was like a secret passed between us, a silent acknowledgment of the bond we shared that no one else was supposed to know about.

But that was proving more difficult by the day.

Katie was in one of her chatty moods, talking a mile a minute about everything and nothing. I was half-listening, my mind more focused on the game ahead and the way Lucy's fingers were tracing patterns on the edge of her seat, her attention flipping between her phone and whatever conversation Lia was engrossed in.

Suddenly, Katie turned to me, her voice dropping into that sly tone she used when she was about to stir the pot. "Hey, Leah, have you spoken to Jordan lately?"

My heart skipped a beat, and I could feel Lucy's eyes flick up at the mention of my ex. I forced myself to keep my expression neutral, even though the topic was the last thing I wanted to discuss. Especially not here, not now.

"Not really," I replied casually, trying to brush it off. "We're both busy with our own things, you know how it is."

Katie didn't seem satisfied with that answer, though. She leaned in a bit closer, her curiosity clearly piqued. "Yeah, but you two were really close, right? I mean, it must be weird not seeing her around anymore."

Lucy's body stiffened slightly, and I could tell she was uncomfortable. I was too. The truth was, it was weird not having Jordan around. We had a history, and although we had both moved on, it was impossible to completely forget what we had shared. But the last thing I wanted was to dive into that in front of Lucy, not when things were still so new and fragile between us.

"Yeah, it's a little weird," I admitted, keeping my tone light. "But we're both in a better place now, so it's all good."

Katie seemed to accept that and, thankfully, dropped the subject. But before I could even take a breath, she turned her attention to Lucy, and I could feel the tension ratchet up a notch.

"So, Lucy," Katie said, her eyes gleaming with interest, "what about you? Any exes we should know about?"

Lucy gave her a small smile, clearly a bit caught off guard by the sudden shift. "Well, I had a boyfriend back in the States," she said, her voice steady but softer than usual. "We were together for a long time."

The way she said it, so casually yet with a hint of something deeper, made my stomach tighten. I'd heard bits and pieces about this ex of hers, George, but we hadn't really talked about it in detail. It wasn't exactly a topic I was eager to dive into, considering how much I cared about her now.

"And?" Katie prompted, clearly not willing to let it go.

Lucy glanced at me briefly before continuing. "I loved him, and I probably always will in some way," she said quietly, a faraway look in her eyes. "But we weren't right for each other, not in the long run. It just... would never have worked out between us."

There was a knot in my chest that seemed to tighten with each word. I knew that people had pasts, that it was normal to carry some feelings for those who had been important in your life. But hearing Lucy speak about her ex like that, so calmly, so sincerely, felt like a punch to the gut.

Katie made some offhand comment, probably thinking she was being funny, but I didn't really hear it. My mind was too caught up in the way Lucy had said those words, in the fact that she still seemed to hold a place in her heart for this guy. A place I wasn't sure I could ever touch.

The rest of the bus ride passed in a blur. Lucy and Lia chatted away, while Katie eventually switched topics, moving on to something about her plans for after the game. I nodded and smiled where appropriate, but my thoughts were elsewhere. I couldn't shake the feeling of unease that had settled over me.

When we finally arrived at the stadium, I was more than ready to get off that bus. I needed space, time to think, to sort through the mix of emotions that were bubbling up inside me. I didn't want to feel this way—I didn't want to be jealous, or insecure, or any of those things. But the truth was, I was.

As we filed off the bus, Lucy caught up to me, her usual bright smile on her face. "You okay?" she asked, her tone light, but I could see the concern in her eyes.

"Yeah," I replied, forcing a smile. "Just focused on the game."

She nodded, accepting my answer, but I could tell she wasn't convinced. Still, she didn't push it, and I was grateful for that. I wasn't ready to talk about it, not yet.

Throughout the day, I couldn't help but keep my distance from Lucy. It wasn't intentional at first, but every time she tried to engage me, I found myself pulling away, giving her short answers, or finding excuses to be somewhere else. I could see the confusion in her eyes, but I couldn't bring myself to explain. Not when I wasn't even sure what I was feeling.

By the time the game ended, the tension between us was palpable. Lucy kept glancing my way, trying to catch my eye, but I avoided her gaze. I knew I was being unfair, that I was letting my own insecurities get the better of me, but I couldn't help it.

On the ride back to the hotel, Lucy sat next to me, but the easy closeness we usually shared was gone. She tried to make small talk, but I responded with one-word answers, my mind too wrapped up in its own turmoil to engage.

It wasn't until we were back in my car, on our way back to mine, that Lucy finally confronted me.

"Leah," she said, her voice soft but firm as she stood in front of me, blocking my path to the bathroom. "What's going on? You've been distant all day. Did I do something wrong?"

I looked at her, seeing the worry and hurt in her eyes, and suddenly I felt like the world's biggest jerk. She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve my cold shoulder, my jealousy, or my insecurities.

But I still couldn't bring myself to talk about it. Not yet. So instead, I shook my head. "It's nothing," I said, my voice betraying the lie. "I'm just tired, that's all."

"Leah, I know you," she insisted, stepping closer. "This isn't just about being tired. Please, talk to me."

I wanted to. God, I wanted to just spill everything out, to tell her how hearing about her ex had made me feel, how scared I was that I could never measure up to what she had with him. But the words stuck in my throat, too tangled up in my own pride and fear to come out.

"I'm fine," I said, more forcefully this time, hoping she would just let it go.

Lucy looked at me for a long moment, her eyes searching mine. But when she saw that I wasn't going to budge, she finally sighed and stepped back. "Okay," she said quietly, the hurt in her voice unmistakable. "If that's how you want to play it."

She turned away, letting the silence between us grow. A mix of guilt and frustration grew over me.

 I knew I was screwing this up, that I was letting something as stupid as jealousy drive a wedge between us. But I couldn't help it. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was somehow competing with her past, a past I could never change.

As I lay in bed that night, staring up at the ceiling, I knew that I needed to get over it, to let it go and just be happy with what we had. But knowing that and actually doing it were two very different things.

Lucy was right beside me, yet she felt a million miles away. And it was all my fault.