Echos of a Genius | Spencer Reid

White Lies

Stephie

I hate Spencer Reid. I hate that he made me fall for him. I've never felt more alone in my entire life.

"Hotch is sending me to a shrink." Elle throws herself into her chair and I look up, coming out of my own head.

"I thought you got cleared?" I set down my pen and look to her. A few weeks ago Elle shot a serial rapist out of self defense, what she claims is self defense at least, in Ohio. She's been on edge so i'm having a hard time believing that. If I were Hotch, I'd send her to a shrink too.

"Hey, we've got case," JJ walks by and Elle and I stand up to follow her to the briefing room. I notice Spencer almost instantly, wearing glasses.

"He's such a slut," I mumble under my breath and Elle looks at me weird.

"What did you say?" A grin creeps up on her face.

"Huh? Oh, I said that's something." I lie and she looks to where I'm looking.

"Reid's got glasses now..? That is something." As we walk in Elle sits down by Spencer and I sit across from her. I can't even focus on the case, this is what I was afraid of when Spencer and I started to sneak around. It got in the way of the job.

Dear Diary,
I miss him so much it hurts. Spencer, with all his weird little stupid quirks that made me fall for him in the first place. The way he would ramble on about the most random facts, his mismatched socks, the way he scrunches his nose when he's deep in thought. I miss all of it.

It's so frustrating to love someone this much. To love him so much I hate him for it. For making me feel things I never wanted to feel. For breaking through my defenses with his awkward charm and brilliant mind. For being the one person who could see through my lies, the one person I couldn't fool.

Every day without him feels like a piece of me is missing. I hate that he's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep. I hate that I still look for him in the bullpen when I walk into work, I hate that I can't let him go, even when it's my fault he's gone. But most of all, I hate that I still love him. More than anything.
XOXO, Stephie

"Foster," Hotch's voice chimes in behind me and poke my head up from the case file, I'm trying to catch up before we get on the jet today.

"Have you seen Elle? Heard from her maybe?" I shake my head,

"She hasn't come into work yet?" I ask and Hotch shakes his head no, where is Elle?

"Get on the jet with the rest of the team, I've got to find Elle." Hotch sighs and he seems panicked. I don't think Elle is telling the truth, I don't think that man, despite his evilness, had a weapon on him. I think Elle shot him.

Now I'm stuck on a plane with only JJ, Morgan, and the person I despise the most. I think what hurts is that Spencer acts like  we had nothing, he seems so normal. Well, as normal as normal gets for Spencer Reid.

"You guys hear Elle was cleared?" Spencer says sitting down next to Derek.

I look to him and then at Derek who sighs and looks at the papers in his hands. "Self defense."

"So it was a good shoot," Spencer adds and I shake my head.

"She hit what she was aiming for," JJ doesn't look up when she talks.