Echos of a Genius | Spencer Reid

Forget Him Somehow

Stephie

Austin?

Spencer?

Austin.

Spencer?

Spencer.

Austin.

My mind constantly races back and forth like it has done every night for the past 5 months. Spencer is still alive, he hasn't overdosed yet, as far as I know at least. I worry about him daily. It's obvious he's still using, he's impossible to work with anymore, it's only gotten worse, it only gets worse. I hung up a NA meeting poster on the board in the office, hoping maybe he'd see it and go. He didn't.

Dread sinks in as I have flashbacks from a few hours ago.

"I've been thinking a lot about us lately," Austin starts, his voice tinged with a nervous energy that I've never heard from him before. "About how much I care about you, and how much I want this to work."

My heart skips a beat, and I can feel the familiar weight of panic settling in. I don't like where this is going, but I can't seem to stop it. I've been dating him for just five-ish months, but he always talks about getting married and having kids and me quitting my job to stay home with them. I don't want that, I love my job. I don't want to "settle down" as Austin says, I'm 24 years old.

He pulls out a small box, and for a moment, I can't breathe. "I know it's only been a few months," he continues, "but when you know, you know, right? I don't want to waste any more time wondering what if."

He opens the box, revealing a simple gold band with a small diamond in the center. It's beautiful, understated, exactly what I would have picked out for myself. But instead of feeling excited or happy, all I feel is dread.

"Steph," he says, his voice soft but filled with hope, "Will you marry me?"

Steph.

The voices echos in my head, but it's not Austin's voice, it's Spencer's.

The room spins, and I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. This isn't supposed to happen. Not like this. Not with him.

"I... I don't know what to say," I stammer, my voice barely above a whisper.

His smile falters for just a moment before he recovers, leaning in closer. "I know it's sudden, but I can't imagine my life without you. We're perfect together, Steph. We can make this work."

I shake my head, trying to find the right words, but all I can think about is Spencer. Spencer, who knows me better than anyone, who sees the real me, even the parts I try to hide. Spencer, who makes me feel like I'm worth fighting for, even when I don't believe it myself. Spencer who needs me, now more than ever. And I let him go.

But Spencer also complicates things in a way that Austin never has. With Austin, everything is simple. Easy. No expectations, no pressure. Just comfort. But this proposal feels like a trap, a way to lock me into something I'm not ready for. A part of me wants to say no, to tell him that this isn't what I want, but the words won't come.

"Please, Steph," Austin says, his voice soft and pleading. "Just say yes."

Just stop.

The pressure is unbearable, and I can feel myself crumbling under the weight of it. Maybe he's right. Maybe I'm just scared. Maybe this is what I need, what we need. A fresh start. Something simple, something safe. My head is spinning, I feel sick.