Echos of a Genius | Spencer Reid

Lotus Eater

Spencer

The air in the office felt unusually still. Papers rustled on my desk as the hum of fluorescent lights buzzed faintly overhead, but everything else around me seemed... quieter. Stephie was at her desk, absorbed in her work, and yet my thoughts were far too focused on her, as they had been for the last several weeks.

I had done the math. Every statistic, every logical scenario. I'd considered everything. The odds of finding someone who understood me the way Stephie did, who made me feel... seen, were astronomical. I knew that I loved her, and I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. That much was clear.

But proposing? That was a completely different equation, one I hadn't quite figured out yet. What if she wasn't ready? What if the idea of marriage scared her after everything she'd been through? What if I screwed it up by asking at the wrong time?

I could feel my palms start to sweat at the thought. This was the woman I wanted to marry, but the idea of bringing it up, of actually saying those words out loud, made my chest tighten with a fear I couldn't shake. We were in a good place, a balanced place. What if proposing changed everything? What if it pushed her away?

I glanced over at her from my desk. She was engrossed in the case files, her brow furrowed in concentration, lips pressed into a soft line. She was beautiful in her focus, in her strength, and in all the ways she didn't realize. How could I not want to spend my life with her? But how could I even begin to bring that up?

My mind raced, spiraling between scenarios. I needed to talk to someone about this. Someone who knew me, and more importantly, someone who knew us.

I pushed away from my desk and made my way to Derek's. He was leaning back in his chair, flipping through some files with his usual easy confidence. As soon as he saw me approaching, he raised an eyebrow. "Hey, Pretty Boy," he greeted with a grin. "You look like you've got something on your mind."

I shifted awkwardly, unsure of how to start. This wasn't a conversation I usually had—feelings, emotions, relationships—but if anyone could give me advice, it was Derek. He'd been there through so much of Stephie's journey. He'd seen us together.

"I... I need to talk to you about something," I started, rubbing the back of my neck. My voice was lower than usual, almost uncertain.

Derek sat up, instantly sensing the weight of my words. "Alright, what's going on?" He leaned forward, giving me his full attention.

I hesitated, feeling the anxiety rise in my throat. "I, uh... I've been thinking about Stephie. A lot."

He smirked. "That's nothing new. You're always thinking about her."

"Yeah, but this is different." I fidgeted with the sleeve of my shirt, my mind scrambling for the right words. "I want to... I mean, I think I want to..."

Derek's grin faded slightly, his eyes narrowing in curiosity. "Spit it out, man."

"I want to marry her," I blurted, the words tumbling out before I could stop them. They hung in the air, raw and real, and for a moment, I felt the weight of them settle into my chest. "I want to marry Stephie. But... I'm terrified."

Derek's face softened, his usual bravado fading as he realized the seriousness of what I was saying. He leaned back in his chair, arms crossed. "Terrified, huh? I didn't think anything scared you."

I sighed, sinking into the chair opposite his desk. "This does. I know I love her. I've never been more certain about anything in my life. But the idea of actually asking her, of bringing up marriage... what if it's too much for her? She's been through so much already."