It'll all be okay 🖤

chapter 7: the feeling

The wave of safety that overcame Siobhan, was quickly replaced by guilt and anger. She had not let herself become vulnerable with anyone since Lottie passed. She refused to let someone, who was no less than a stranger, be with her during such a vulnerable moment.

"I'm fine thank you." Siobhan replied sternly, quickly replacing the parts of the wall that had begun to crumble.

"Are you sure, you look a bit upset. Do you want me to sit with you?"

Siobhan hesitated, she would love more than anything to not do this alone, but she had to. This is what she deserved. She had done this to herself.

"I'm fine. You can go." Siobhan was quick to lower her eyes, tracing her finger over the words on the box. It'll all be okay.

"I'm more than happy to stay y'know." Vivian noticed the wall that Siobhan was using to shield her heart. She desperately wanted to help her; even though she barely knew the blonde.

"I said I'm fine!! Leave me alone!" Siobhan could feel the lump forming in her throat. Refusing to look up from the box. "I don't need anyone. Why do you care anyway?"

Vivian's heart dropped. She could feel the pain radiating off of Siobhan, but she knew better than to push her. As much as she hated to leave her like this, Vivian nodded to herself before slowly walking away, looking back to watch as Siobhan put her head in her hands.

Vivian continued walking, every part of her screaming to turn around, to not let Siobhan win. She knew the blonde needed a friend right now. But was she who she needed? They barely knew each other. Apart from a few interactions at the nursery, they were nothing more than strangers.

Vivian stops, her heart was racing. Something about leaving Siobhan felt so wrong. She knew the blonde needed help, her actions had been speaking louder than words. Had no one else seen this? No matter how much she tried to put up a wall to protect herself, Vivian could see right through it; there were gaps in it that Siobhan could not replace, and Vivian had noticed.

Siobhan finally allowed herself to look up, quickly scanning the area, part of her hoping to see Vivian. She had no such luck. What did she expect? She'd shouted at the woman to leave, why would she stay? Siobhan took a deep breath. The tears slowly starting to fall. She couldn't do this. She needed Lottie. She didn't want to have whatever she'd left for her in the box. She needed her touch. She needed her to hold her. She desperately wanted to feel safe again, even if it was just for a moment. It'll all be okay.

Just as Siobhan was about to give up and head to her car, she heard the voice she so desperately craved.

"Siobhan I can't leave you like this, you need a friend right now. I refuse to leave you knowing the state you are in. Please just let me sit with you."

Siobhan looked up, her eyes bloodshot, and filled with tears. Her makeup was smudged and mascara was running down her cheeks. Vivian slowly came over before sitting next to the blonde, not once breaking eye contact. A small smile plastered across her face. The warmth was back and Siobhan could feel that sense of safety returning. Why did she feel like this?

"Vivian I-"

"We don't need to talk, we can just sit. I just want you to know there's someone here. Whatever it is you're going through..." Vivian slowly reached around, placing her hand on Siobhan's shoulder, gently stroking it with her thumb. "... you don't need to do it alone." She could feel the blonde relaxing. It warmed her heart. Vivian wanted nothing more then to know Siobhan was okay, and if she could at least help her, she would move mountains to do so.

Siobhan's mind was fighting with her to push Vivian off, to not let the wall she prided herself on crumble. However, her heart was pleading with her to give in, to let her feel safe in the arms of someone. This was so overwhelming for Siobhan, this was new, and she told herself she'd never let anyone in again. But could Vivian be the one that was able bring her back to earth?

Without realising, Siobhan placed her head on Vivian's shoulder. The tears slowly falling again. The blonde started shaking as her breathing quickened. Vivian gave in, deciding to wrap her arms around Siobhan and holding her tight, slowly rocking her back and forth in an attempt to soothe her. She began stroking her hair as the blonde relaxed fully into her arms, neither one refusing to let the other go.

"I'm so proud of you Siobhan, you are so strong and we will work through whatever is going on okay. You're not alone. It'll all be okay."

It'll all be okay... The words lingered in Siobhan's mind, swirling and repeating. It'll all be okay. The blonde hadn't heard those words since Lottie used to hold her, just the way Vivian was. She felt herself completely let go, the walls had completely collapsed, and every last emotion and feeling Siobhan had been repressing was escaping her eyes. She had never felt so vulnerable, but she knew if Vivian came back, even after Siobhan yelled at her to leave, she was here for the long haul. Siobhan was terrified, but she knew she needed this. It's what Lottie would've wanted for her darling girl.

As the minutes passed, the two women remained in each other's embrace. As Siobhan's breathing started to regulate, and the tears began to dry, she started to let go of Vivian. The two of them pulling away slowly, before looking into each other's eyes. The smile returning to Vivian's face as she looked deep into the blondes eyes.

Vivian eventually being the one to break the silence, "Would you like me to sit here with you while you open this?" The two glancing down to the box sat in Siobhans lap.

The blonde hesitated before looking back to meet Vivian's gaze, "yes please."