It'll all be okay 🖤

chapter 3: my darling

TW: MENTIONS OF ABUSE AND BULLYING

FLASHBACK CHAPTER

Siobhan struggled a lot as a child. She didn't have many friends as she was always seen as 'different'. She struggled to make connections or keep friendships. Any friends Siobhan did make, they would end up using her. Siobhan was bullied a lot throughout school and she hated the place with a burning passion; she couldn't wait to graduate. Siobhan had spent many nights lying awake wondering if she should drop out, but she knew her parents wouldn't approve of that.

Her Grandma, Lottie, saw her struggles from day one. She knew what her son was like. He was nothing like she had raised him to be, he was manipulative and controlling and had very little respect for the women in his life. Lottie knew that Siobhan was often caught in the cross-fire of her son's anger, and it broke her heart, especially if she saw Siobhan with bruises on her body.

Siobhan had always had a very close relationship with her grandma; it was something she was eternally grateful for. She knew she had at least one person in her corner and it brought her so much comfort and joy. She knew if she had any questions or if anything was bothering her, she could snuggle up on the sofa with her grandma and she would listen. Siobhan felt so safe in Lottie's arms.

Each weekend Siobhan would retreat to Lottie's house to escape 2 painful days stuck at home with her parents. They always made the most of the time they had together and cherished each memory they created. Every weekend they painted, mainly flower fields or night skies. Siobhan's paintings gave Lottie a clear picture of how she was feeling, especially if she was struggling to read Siobhan's mood. If the paintings were bright and colourful or included lots of flowers and little birds, she knew Siobhan was doing okay; if the paintings were dark and aggressive with paint splattered across the paper, she knew to hold her a bit tighter that day.

Some weekends the two of them baked cookies. They would make such a mess that it often took hours to clean afterwards. Flour would fling across the kitchen and somehow chocolate chips would be found in very odd places. But to Siobhan and Lottie, they didn't care. The smell of the cookies baking in the oven made Siobhan feel warm inside. It was a smell she linked directly to the memories she made with her grandma.

They would always laugh together until they had tears in their eyes and their tummy's were hurting. Anything to help take Siobhan's mind off of the abuse and pain that she was faced with when she was with her parents.

The two loved to snuggle, Siobhan would never admit it, but it was the part she looked forward to the most about her weekends with her grandma. Lottie would play with Siobhan's hair, or gently scratch the back of her neck as she lay across her lap watching movies and cartoons on the TV. Just being in the presence of one another was enough, no words needed to be spoken, just knowing that they loved each other dearly created a safe space for Siobhan.

Siobhan really struggled with expressing her feelings and it was something Lottie was trying to help her with. Something they found that worked was for Siobhan to write letters. This helped get her feelings out and sometimes understand them better. On the odd occasion, Siobhan would bring her letter out and give it to Lottie for her to read. She was so proud of Siobhan for trying so hard to open up and be brave even when she felt like she couldn't. Lottie had always kept these letters. They were in a little brown box at the back of her wardrobe. Sticky tape was wrapped around it to keep it sealed, and there was a note on top written in marker that read 'inside the mind of my darling girl'.

One day Lottie hoped to return the letters to Siobhan and help her realise just how far she had come. As Lottie got older, her energy levels declined, meaning some of the things they once loved doing together, they could no longer do. On days when Siobhan felt like she was going backwards, she hoped the letters could remind her that she was capable of anything, even if Lottie wasn't there to tell Siobhan herself.

Over the years, Lottie hadn't just kept Siobhan's letters safe, she had written back to her darling girl. She would write words of affirmations and remind her that what she was feeling was normal and always reassured her that everything will work out how they always planned. Each letter Lottie wrote was personalised to the letter from Siobhan, but one thing was consistent across all of them. They'd always end with the same thing;

Whether I'm by your side, in the stars, or in your heart, please remember it'll all be okay.
Your happily ever after awaits you.
I love you forever my darling.
Hugs and kisses
Grandma Lottie xoxo

She'd then staple the sheets of paper together, add it to the box, and place it back in the safety of the wardrobe. Lottie knew a piece of both herself and Siobhan's heart laid within, and she hoped one day it will be the warmth and comfort that she knows she can't share with Siobhan forever.