No Angel

9.

A. Ealy
Atlanta, GA

I was pretty sure that I adored Nicki more than anything in the world. It was my birthday and I was on the verge of tears. Not because my life was so shitty, not because my daddy got so mad at me that he left me stranded in the middle of the city, but because I had to go back home and Nicki couldn't stay with me. I had said my goodbyes to Rihanna and packed up all of my new stuff in the backseat of Nicki's Audi. We were now pulling into the driveway of my daddy's house, and I was so upset that I wanted to die. This is how it felt when I realized I would never see my mama again, and when I realized that everything she promised me was a lie. I knew that death had to be better than this.

I would see Nicki the following Tuesday for therapy, but that wasn't good enough. I wanted to live with her and watch those stupid Marvel movies and eat all of the delicious food that she cooked. I wanted to be apart of her life in the same way that her daughter was, but that was selfish. It was selfish of me to even be so attached to her knowing she had a daughter. I hated myself for it, and I wanted to hate Nicki for being so nice to me.

"You okay? Should I go in with you?" Nicki asked softly, putting the car in park.

"No," I mumbled, unbuckling my seatbelt.

I didn't wait for her to say anything before I got out of the car and started walking towards the house. I didn't even want the gifts anymore. I just wanted to lock myself in my room.

"Anna!" Nicki called, getting out of the car.

I turned to look at her, but the front door flew open, and I felt arms around me. I knew it was Sanaa because I could smell her perfume. When I looked up at her, her eyes were all puffy like she had been crying. "Oh my god, Anna! Are you okay, baby girl?"

I rolled my eyes and shrugged her off. There was so much on my plate already. I didn't have the energy to deal with Sanaa's fake bullshit either. I just pushed past her and continued making my way into the house.

"Ma'am, can I please talk to you?" I heard Nicki ask Sanaa before I slammed the door shut, going inside.

—

S. Lathan-Ealy
Atlanta, GA