Tangled Love

ᴄʜᴀᴩᴛᴇʀ 44

Akshita's pov

Why can't he understand my feelings ? I lost my first child. A part of me. He can't understand it because I was the one carrying it. I have got to feel our baby and get a glimpse through the ultra-sound. He can't understand this as he didn't get the chance to witness this. My baby was a piece of my heart and it's loss meant a lot to me.

If things would have been good between us then may be our baby would have been in my embrace today. Being a mother is best feeling of this world and I was deprived of this happiness. I have missed an opportunity to enjoy motherhood. It hurts. My heart bleeds when I see couple with their baby. I didn't to get to witness this happiness.

All my life I had sacrificed myself for someone else happiness. I had to compromise with my family, husband and then baby too. Why ? Why I have to sacrifice my happiness always ?

"I understand you motherly instincts Akshita but think about yourself. You are in the most important phase of your life. You are in the middle of achieving your dream and goals. You had done so much hardwork to come till here. Do you want all this to go in vain ? Do you want to betray your dreams again ? You have cleared you prelims and you are just a few steps away from your dream " His words circle through my brain and start to make sense now.

"Having a baby is big responsibilty. A woman goes through many physical and emotional changes during this phase. Will you be able to manage this with your studies ? After the baby is born will you able to focus on your studies ? Do you want to sacrifice your dream again because you want to be a mother ? Baby can wait right. Doctor said you can conceive again and you have time before reaching in your 30s. We still have a lot of time for that. We can have baby later, whenever we want to. But this opportunity won't come again. Think wisely Akshita. It's about you only" Realisation hits me and I understand the depth of his words. He isn't wrong. He is absolutely right. Everytime my stupid heart overpowers my brain. It's not important to listen to your heart always. Stupid heart of mine !!

"You wanted to be financially independent right. You wanted to stand on your own. You wanted to show your mother that you are not just capable to become a perfect wife and daughter-in-law. You are more than that"

My head hungs low and I feel ashamed for accusing him. He was thinking about me. And here I was questioning him. Sense of remorse spread through me.

"I am sorry. I acted like a stupid. You are right I should think about my career now. I should become strong mentally before planning a baby. Later it well effect the baby only. I was acting selfish. I am sorry. I didn't think beyond my pain" My eyes burn due to excessive crying. He cups my cheek, lifting my face to match our gaze. His eyes radiating comfort.

"Don't say that. You are not stupid. We have lost our baby. Our first child. It was really hard for you. It's totally fine to think like that. You aren't selfish, rather you are too selfless" He swipes his thumb over my cheek wiping off the tears.

"Moreover we still need to mend many things in our relationship. We need to work upon us and our relation before bringing up a child in this world. We are still not ready for that responsibility" He adds joining our foreheads together. I move closer to him seeking solace in his embrace and silence surrounds us.

"Like I said before, this is an important phase of your life and we can't experiment with your health in this. So you are not even going taking any medications to avoid pregnancy" He declares with a hard expression.