To Everyone I've Hated

Technology vs Primitivism

sometimes I feel bad, having a different childhood from my peers. it didn't matter that neither of our childhoods were necessarily good, I just feel left out. Where they explored the realms of online games, I explored the endless tall grass of my grandpa's back yard. goat heads threatening my bare feet and wooded area just hidden behind a gate, behind my sunflowers I worked so hard to grow. The people I didn't know I would love yet were sharing a childhood on the internet, every good moment posted, every miserable mistake updated, every awkward phase hidden in a plethora of folders, but sometimes I feel like mine was silent.

sometimes I feel like I'm silent. Though both roads walked neglect, you found community. I found bugs in the dirt, had branches scraping my back, blood pouring from every scratch, the owls hooting omens over me in the evenings

sometimes I feel stupid. you navigate technology so easily, you bond so fast over shared online interests, and you spin to me secrets of the web like you made them yourself.

I am young, and I am ignorant, because I have nothing to tell you other than the dirt beneath my feet. the blind cow I grew to love. the sound of the chickens and ostriches early in the morning, waking me from the top bunk in the trailer, or the taste of cheese sandwiches in a quiet ranch. the nights I spent tucked in with my cousin and siblings, and the blanket he gave me right before I left. the feeling of barbed wire in my hand. the pool water standing still at my hips, because it was a kiddy pool and I was much too big and that's how I ended up with barbed wire fencing wrapped around my hands anyways.

no, your childhood is easily accessible. mine was planted in the dirt in between my carrots and green beans and rotted.

sometimes I'm jealous

------------------------------------------------------------
haha emo

I wrote this 3 months ago but stumbled across it and it blew my mind so eat up 🍴sorry I don't post as much im healed now 🎀