have you ever met a ghost? a poltergeist? and I'm not talking about the lost souls of the deceased, but has anyone lingered around your head and your heart pointlessly wailing, as if the dead had risen?
Now I have. This ghost, she was cold and she was cruel. At every turn, my misery was her entertainment. When I became someone so much bigger than her, so much bigger than our deal of letting her drag me through the mud, I accidentally killed her. Then, she wandered around the plains of my heart she once owned, locked in the back of my mind, watching herself become a mere memory to me.
Her last words were, "I love you. Please say it back."
In her reign of terror, her last wish was to drag her bloodied body across the floor just to leave her own handprint on my chest, as if her fingerprints weren't already shoved down my throat
you pathetic, foolish girl. With your curly blonde hair and sour green eyes, with your back turned to me as you held up my work to the world and basked in the praise. Your ghost lingers regretfully around me, and I will always switch between trying to caress a dead girl and collapsing in corners over someone who's no longer a threat, but once had me on a tight leash.
Miss A, all I'll ever remember of you is your vicious side eye. Your brutal comments on my eating habits, your audacity to pretend to be asleep when I did something you didn't like, watching me drag my fingers through your thick hair, watching my face contort and cry as I realized what you'd done to me again...
Miss A, last night I had a dream you wouldn't like. I dreamt I was in their arms, listening to them explain the games they play, like we had all day. And as I stared at them, anticipating an explanation for bundles of code, their eyes darted between my lips and my eyes. A kiss so unfamiliar, and so wonderfully right, I laid my head onto their shoulder afterwards and thought "No way this is real."
And then I woke up. and then all the shared sentiment of a kiss, of a game, and of someone worrying for my achey lower back was gone.
Miss A, I hate you. It's time to stop haunting me. It's time to leave
