Butterflies Volume II

Chapter 33

"Could have used your help there love," Billy rolled his shoulders back as he stood up.

M.M. had marched back inside, heading back to find Frenchie and Kimiko. Violet took out her phone, texting Kimiko that next time she wanted to get drunk on a mission, pass her a can. Her mind was so clouded, she hadn't noticed Kimiko stumbling behind them, and it made her chuckle. Then she put it away, smirking down at Billy.

"I like Monique you asshole," she replied, "not letting you disrespect her."

"Ah I see, so there's truth in his words?" Billy wondered, pleading on his face.

Was he truly worried that she would agree with him, that he needed it beaten into him all he had done wrong? He had her mistaken for someone who didn't understand him. She was quiet, and it answered him before she was able to, and Billy nodded. M.M. was right, Billy had put them through so much, but M.M. wasn't doing anything better by sneaking around. He couldn't do the hard thing, because he was a good man. Billy had accepted that he wasn't a good person, and she could honour that by being by his side.

But that acceptance, was dragging a sharp claw down his spine. On nights he dreamt of Becca, she would be beg him to be better. She didn't accept it, she didn't love him for it. Violet's anger let him continue being who he was. He couldn't be better for her when she craved to fight beside him. She swallowed his anger and hatred, getting so comfortable with it. He wanted to be better so badly, M.M. was completely right, but he needed to also get her what she wanted.

"There's truth in both of it, but we don't have time to sit and chat," Violet began checking her shoulder, "M.M. shouldn't be leading, he can't handle it. But... He is right that you often get us into a load of shit too. Won't be much longer though huh?"

She was hoping he'd confirm, and he soon nodded his head, "yeah, yeah."

"They'll see," she attempted to reassure him, "they'll see what we've got to do."

They'll have to, as the clouds were darkening above them. Violet made a tissue appear into her hand, stepping forward to wipe the blood from Billy's nose. He almost jerked back, the pain unbeknownst to her. But she raised a brow, and he gave, holding her side as she went up onto her toes to meet him. She would put him back together, over and over, until there was nothing left unbroken. She would be doing so for a long time, but she couldn't hold on without him.

They couldn't collectively get what they wanted, their wishes didn't intertwine. The sky above them clouded, and Billy enjoyed the clouds, it reminded him home. Violet never understood those clouds, and when they would watch the British shows he loved growing up, she didn't find much of a place for her inside them either. She didn't understand all the subtitles, and would find herself falling asleep instead.

She pulled him aside to a bench, vowing to cool off before they went back inside. They had time to kill before Firecracker's timed meeting, they could spend it out in fresh air. She gazed up at the sky, wishing it was more blue. It frustrated her, the miniscule speck that tipped her over the edge. Everything was going wrong, even the sky disagreed with how things were turning out. Why couldn't everything be so easily solved? Why did they have to give something up to get what they wanted?

"I'm sorry," Billy said, "I've completely fucked us."

"Hey," she put her hand on his, "don't apologise to me. I wouldn't change anything, we just keep going."

She knew if she was to go back, no matter what she did she would still find herself in the same place. She would still be reckoning with what Vought had done to her, still painting herself as the monster. Everything that had led them to that point had happened for a reason, and their friends can distance because of it but they can't pretend they never cared, that the past meant nothing. It wasn't useless, it wasn't a waste of time when in the moment it meant something.