𝐒𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞.

𝐒𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠
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Taylor's pov

The instant melancholy when I see it. The pending word. The word that hasn't left that little screen since the moment we agreed to start. No matter which one you did, the result was still as underwhelming than the other. Whether that be negative, a single line or an incomplete cross. They all meant the same thing. The daunting weight hanging on my shoulders. I was not pregnant. 12 months had gone by now, and again and again we were failing.

The eras tour ended in December 2024, we got married in March of 2025, 10 months after we had gotten engaged in the past May, back in Italy in Lake Como. We'd kept it secret; despite a few people having their little theories but none of it was ever confirmed and we were completely enthralled with that choice. The day was magical, intimate and personal just like we wanted. It was miraculous that only our family and close friends attended and not one person had ahold of any more information, leaving us to have such a special ceremony. Mutually, Travis and I decided to take our honeymoon to the Maldives where it didn't disappoint: serene and beautiful just like we'd pictured. It was over a romantic dinner on the beach, candles lit and rose petals scattered, we discussed maybe starting a family: we both wanted children, we always had, that was something we quickly established when we first got together, it would've been impossible to last if we didn't want the same things. That's not to say that having children is something that's always been an incompetent subject for me, I did want them, but I'd never found someone who I could picture having them with. Not until I met Travis.

However, that initial conversation had been a little over a year ago now and we were yet to see one positive test. We were doing everything right. We tracked my cycles to do it whilst I was ovulating, I kept up simple exercise regimes, not overly strenuous one, but ones to keep my blood pumping frequently and my health in shape, I ate as healthy and balanced as I could and even 6 months ago, I'd stopped drinking in the desperation of wanting this to work. It was touching me out, the constant disappointment, the false hope, the sadness. Nothing. I almost felt empty inside, I didn't have much work going on these days, I'd cut it down and limited it because I thought – or at least hoped – I would be pregnant by now, so not a single thing was distracting me from this turmoil. I could see it was getting Travis down too, seeing me so lost, like a piece of us was missing.

The bathroom had become my least favourite place, it was the one that brought me the most dread and anxiety, tears and heartbreak, but it was where travis and I were situated yet again. The small piece of plastic, constructing our whole future, laid there, face down. The timer had already rung a minute or two ago, but I hadn't the heart or the courage to check the result yet.

" baby, just remember whatever it says, we're in this together, okay? " travis assured, he said something similar every time we were in this position but I knew he truly meant it no matter how many times he repeated it.

I nodded gently, taking in a breath and holding it as I flipped the test, my eyes fixed on the screen, the fine black text, our future. I didn't even release the breath, shaking my head as I felt tears stemming my eyes, when I did finally breathe, it was a choke on sobs. That heartbreak I knew so well yet I never got accustomed to it. It was painful. Horrible. Why us? What did we do? Maybe it was some cruel way of the universe telling us we couldn't bring kids into this sort of life, like we wouldn't be good parents or something like that. But I wanted to prove them wrong, everyone who doubted us, but it was becoming merely impossible.