The Force Helped Me Find Myself.

Chapter 25

The trip home was nice and peaceful. I had gained a lot of information about meditation and the force from Master Ali and the library, which I read on the trip home. Emmi was interested to see if it could work, but she wasn't so sure. I had chatted to Kriy and Chantel about the plan and they were both interested. Chantel had received the introduction meditation holo that we did years before. Emmi was looking through kids' clothing catalogues to get an idea of what they were wearing now and gave me some ideas about what might look cute on a young me, the girl me that never got to be pretty when I was little.

The trick to this was the close connection between Kriy and me. The texts said that to have a non-force user, or anyone to be fair, join someone in their meditation experience is to ensure the participants have a close connection to each other. I was sure if it could work, it would work with my little sister.

The first few nights home I meditated on my own to practice changing my mental image of myself to try to be the little girl I never got to be. The first time didn't go well, and I only managed to look like my old self. My inner self hugged me and helped me relax when that happened. It brought back all the old feelings of being unhappy with my body and the way people treated me. It reminded me of the little thing I still have that is a physical indication of a male. The other two days went better, I managed to look like a little girl and managed to get myself in a pretty dress.

The next night I had Kriy practicing meditation with me. It took a while for her to relax enough and for us to get in sink. She was amazed by how it worked and could feel the inner me and the joy I felt when I was myself.

"That was cool," she said afterwards. "Is it always like that?"

"It hasn't always been that good of a time, but yes it's like that when I meditate on my inner self."

"That's cool. I'd love to be able to do that myself."

"From what I've read, you can. It might not be as vivid as we Jedi can do but anyone can meditate and spend time with their inner self."

"Ok. How do I do it?"

"You focus the way we did. You can slowly bring your perception into yourself and focus your mind on your inner life. I don't know how good it would be but it's something."

"I'll give it a try."

We hugged, and then she went to her room to try. She said that she had a little success, not like what I could do but still nice to focus on her inner self.

A couple of nights later we had the other girls over for a sleepover. Emmi and I were getting a little old for a sleepover, her being 17 and I was getting close to 17. We didn't mind and they knew that I never had that opportunity, and probably wouldn't have the opportunity again, so they agreed. Chantel arrived first; she was excited too as she hadn't had a sleepover before. She couldn't have her friends over when she was young, and her father wouldn't allow her to go. Emmi was excited about this night. She had been to many sleepovers in younger school, but never with her best friend.

We set ourselves up in the living room, with sleeping bags on the floor. Mum and Dad had gotten us some takeout for dinner, with plenty of snacks and drinks, then left us alone.

"So, what's the plan," asked Kriy.

"It depends," said Emmi. "Sometimes we just watch a show and gossip. Other times it's makeovers with makeup. Still, others just chatting with snacks."

"Yes, but what are we going to do?"

"I, um," I said. "I wanted to try to meditate as a group and have a little kid experience inside of my mind if we can."