Lost in madness

32

I stepped out of the room, unable to sleep. It would be a shame to be able to sleep in my current state. My life is a mess, I made my way to the kitchen, hoping a midnight snack might settle my nerves.

As I searched through the cupboards looking for bread, I heard footsteps behind me. Turning, I saw Sally entering the kitchen, an empty water jug in her hand. My heart skipped a beat, and a shred of guilt and anxiety flooded back in.

Sally smiled warmly, setting the jug on the counter. "Can't sleep either?"

I shook my head, trying to keep my voice steady. "Just feeling a bit peckish."

"Here, let me help," Sally offered, reaching past me to grab the bread from a high shelf. "You always did have trouble finding things in unfamiliar kitchens."

As she handed me the bread, a memory flashed between us. "Remember that summer we tried to bake a cake for my mom's birthday?" Sally chuckled. "We nearly burned down the kitchen."

Despite myself, I felt a smile tugging at my lips. "How could I forget? We ended up with a charcoal brick and flour everywhere."

We shared a laugh, the tension in the air momentarily dissipating. For a fleeting moment, it felt like old times – just two cousins sharing a midnight snack and reminiscing about childhood misadventures.

As I finished making my sandwich, I made an extra piece for Sally,

"Can we step outside for a bit?" Sally gestured towards the door. "Let's get some fresh air, It's a beautiful night."

I hesitated, but nodded. We made our way outside, settling on the porch steps. The sky was a canvas of stars, reminding me of the countless summer nights we'd spent stargazing as kids.

We sat in silence for a while, the weight of unspoken words hanging between us. Finally, Sally turned to me, her expression unreadable in the dim light.

"Are you pregnant?" she asked quietly.

The question caught me off guard. I opened my mouth to deny it, but no words came out. Sally continued, her voice gentle but firm.

"I've been watching you. You haven't had a drop of alcohol since you arrived. I even offered you a glass on purpose and saw you toss it when you thought no one was looking. It was actually quite funny."

I remained silent, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Does my husband know?" Sally pressed.

I bit down hard, trying to hold back tears that threatened to spill over. My silence was answered enough.

"You know."

Sally sighed, her gaze turning back to the stars. "I've known since Paris."

My head snapped up, shock evident on my face. Sally gave a small, sad smile.

"Did you really think I wouldn't recognize my own husband just because you blurred his face? He's my husband, Dabe. Every breath of his is mine."

She paused, letting her words sink in. When she spoke again, her voice was calm, almost detached.

"I'm not going to drag you by the hair or scream for you to leave my husband. I won't stoop that low. I'm just going to be honest with you.... Andrew and I are never getting a divorce. I'm not going to leave my husband for another woman, and Andrew isn't going to ruin his chances of succession, even if it makes him unhappy."

"I don't want him to get a divorce," I whispered, the words sounding hollow even to my own ears.

Sally turned to me, her eyes piercing. "Is that what you tell yourself before you open your legs for my husband?" Her words were dreadful.

I looked away, unable to meet her gaze. Sally continued, her voice taking on a harder edge.

"You haven't told him you're pregnant. Good, I want you to hand over your rights to that child and disappear from our lives. That's the only way I can forgive you."

My head snapped up, shock and disbelief coursing through me. "What? Sally-"

"You owe me everything, Dabe," Sally cut me off, her voice trembling slightly. "The day I got into that accident I had followed Andrew to your play house... I-I lost control and... You know."

Her words hit me like a physical blow. I felt sick, the weight of another guilt threatening to crush me. "Sally, I... I didn't know. I'm so sorry."

"Sorry doesn't bring back my unborn child," Sally replied, her voice cold. "But you can make it right. Give me the baby, Dabe. Let me raise it, with Andrew. It's the least you can do after everything you've taken from me. I might never bear children because of what you did."

I sat there, stunned into silence. The enormity of what Sally was asking – demanding – of me was almost too much to comprehend. Give up my child? Walk away from everything, everyone.

Sally nodded, standing up. "Take all the time you need to think about it. But Dabe – I don't want you in my circle anymore, you do understand, why, don't you?"

"I understand."

As she walked back into the house, leaving me alone with my thoughts, I felt as though the ground had shifted beneath my feet. Everything I thought I knew, every plan I had tentatively made, was suddenly thrown into chaos.

I sat there for what felt like hours, my mind racing. Could I do what Sally asked? Could I give up my child, walk away from Andrew, and the life I'd imagined? The thought made my heart ache, but as I replayed Sally's words in my mind, guilt gnawed at me. We had caused her so much pain, taken so much from her. And she remained so calm. I imagined this scenario so many times in my head and it occurred like this. Something didn't feel right about Sally's reaction but I was too tired to ponder over it.

As the first light of dawn began to break over the horizon, I made my way back inside, my decision still unclear. I knew that whatever choice I made would change the course of not just my life, but the lives of everyone involved. The weight of that responsibility felt almost unbearable.

I paused at the door to my room, my hand on the doorknob. In that moment, I realized that the carefree days of my youth, of summers spent at this cabin with Sally, were well and truly over. We could never go back to that innocence, that simplicity. Too much had happened, too many lines had been crossed.

As I finally entered my room, closing the door behind me, I knew that the coming days would be the hardest of my life. But I also knew that I had to face them, had to make a decision. For better or worse, the time for running and hiding was over. Now, I had to face the consequences of my choices, and find a way forward – With a deep breath, I began to pack my bag. Whatever happened next, I knew I couldn't stay here any longer.