Lost in madness

40

Dabe

I stretched my arms and smiled, basking in the warm morning light filtering through the curtains. Turning to my side, I saw Christian, my fiancé, sleeping peacefully next to me. His dark hair fell across his forehead in a messy tangle, and I couldn't resist reaching out to tuck a stray lock behind his ear.

As my fingers grazed his skin, his eyes fluttered open, and a sleepy smile spread across his face.

"Morning," he mumbled, voice still thick with sleep. Before I could respond, he wrapped his strong arms around me and pulled me close, letting out a contented groan as he buried his face in my neck.

Just as I was melting into his embrace, our bedroom door burst open, and a tiny whirlwind of energy came barreling toward us.

"Wake up! Wake up!" our little boy, Nico, shouted as he launched himself onto the bed.

Christian released me and swiftly grabbed Nico, lifting him high in the air before bringing him down for a barrage of kisses.

"Got you, little monster!" he exclaimed between pecks, eliciting peals of giggles.

I watched them with a smile, my heart swelling with satisfaction. "Alright, you two," I said, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. "Who wants pancakes?"

Nico's eyes lit up. "Me! Me! Can I have chocolate chips? Please, mummy?"

"We'll see," I laughed, ruffling his hair as I stood up. "Why don't you go brush your teeth while I start breakfast?"

"Yay!!"

As I made my way to the kitchen, I flicked on the TV in the living room, letting the morning news provide some background noise. I hummed to myself as I gathered ingredients, my mind already on the day ahead.

I was elbow-deep in pancake batter when I heard the doorbell ring, I wiped my arms and ambled towards the door like a moth to a flame. I opened the door to see a delivery man, holding a bouquet. It's been the same one, for the last six months since Christian and I moved back to New York.  I didn't need a genius to know who it was sending them.

It had been five years since I'd last seen him in person. I was starting to regret moving back. What does he want?

I stood there, transfixed, bitting down my lip-- wondering what to do with him.

"Babe?" Christian's voice startled me out of my reverie.

"You okay?" he asked, concern etched on his face. "More flowers?"

I forced a smile and crossed the room to him, rising on my tiptoes to place a quick kiss on his lips. "It's okay," I assured him. "Now, how about those pancakes?"

As I returned to the kitchen, I could feel Christian's eyes on me, skeptically, but I busied myself with cooking, determined to push all thoughts out of my mind.

My life was perfect now. I had Christian, who loved me unconditionally. We had Nico, our beautiful boy. I was happy, truly happy.

Soon, the aroma of freshly cooked pancakes filled the air, and Nico came bounding into the kitchen, his face alight with excitement.

"Pancakes! Pancakes!" he chanted, climbing onto his chair at the table.

I laughed, setting a plate in front of him. "Here you go, my little prince. Chocolate chip, just like you wanted."

As we ate, I could feel Christian still watching me from across the table. I raised an eyebrow at him. "What?"

He reached out, palm up, and said softly, "Give me your hand."

Confused but curious, I placed my hand in his. He brought it to his lips, pressing a tender kiss to my knuckles. The simple gesture sent a warmth spreading through me, and I felt some of the tension from earlier coming back up,

"I love you," Christian said, his eyes never leaving mine, "Maybe after Ike's wedding, we could start planning ours, it's long overdue, don't you agree?"

I nodded with a smile,

"Now that we are back in New York, we could buy a bigger house, and get married with just close friends and family. What do you think?"

"I think we should take one step at a time, there's no rush." I started, but he shook his head.

He grinned, squeezing my hand. "Absolutely, not. You deserve the best, Dabe. And I intend to remind you just how much you mean to me."

As I looked at Christian, his eyes full of promise, and then at Nico, happily munching on his pancakes, I felt a wave of contentment wash over me. This was my life now. This was where I belonged. I shouldn't think all this other nonsense.

"I love you," I said softly to Christian, meaning it with every fiber of my being.

He smiled, that special smile that was reserved just for me. "I love you too, Dabe. Always." he kissed my knuckles again.

The rest of breakfast passed in a blur of laughter. As I cleared the dishes, I found myself humming again. The brief moment of nostalgia brought on by seeing those flowers had passed, leaving me more appreciative of what I had built. Being with Christian is different. It's more mature.

I didn't have to hide or look over my shoulder whenever I was with him, I'd been in the shadows with Andrew for so long I had forgotten what a real relationship feels like, this is what it feels like to be loved right?

Christian and I had chosen each other from the very beginning, built a life together, and created a family. That was worth more than any "what ifs" or lingering feelings for a man who was now little more than a face on a TV screen.