Eminence

Note 18 - Tell Me How You Really Feel

After lunch, Theo dropped Jack off at the corner store near Warren's house. Jack told him he wanted to pick up a few things and could walk back since it was only ten minutes. When Theo parked the car in the garage and walked in, Warren was in the kitchen making himself food. 

"Hello..." Theo said. 

"Welcome back..." Warren replied.  

Theo sat at the breakfast table and tried to think about what he wanted to say. 

"Need something?" Warren asked. 

"Can we talk?" Theo replied. 

"No, you don't have my blessing to marry my son." 

"What? Oh, no, I mean about us."

"I'm taken."

"That's not what I- Look, Jack is at the store now. You don't have to pretend with me. I want to know how you feel- About everything. About us."

Warren stopped and turned around to face him. Theo watched intently. 

"Honestly, I don't know how I feel."

"Jack's worried that you're angry with him; I told him you were angry with me."

"That's because Jack was crying and apologizing to me last night. I thought you hurt him and that he blamed himself."

"Well, he does blame himself for what happened."

"What happened, Theo?"

"It was a coincidence that I ran into him downtown. I saw him with some older man trying to take him home. I intervened, and he got upset with me. I told him it wasn't safe wandering alone drunk; he said he'd only let me tag along if I bought him drinks. We both got drunk, so I took him to my place since it was within walking distance. I asked him if he wanted to sleep on the couch or the bed, and well- I think he was trying to run from his grief, and he thought sex would make him feel better. We stopped midway; I took him here. That's it."

Warren scoffed. 

"What?" Theo asked. 

"Sorry. It's just both a relief and an infuriating sight to see how much you care for Jack..." Warren told him. 

Theo looked down in shame. 

"Warren, I'm really sorry. I know it doesn't mean much, but I am, and I don't want you to think I'm trying to take advantage of Jack. I don't know why I embraced him; I know I had no right. I couldn't resist; it just felt- Forget it; I know you don't want to hear this." 

"You're right. I don't want to hear about your feelings or why you hooked up with Jack. Also, I wouldn't say I like the idea of you being with him. Like you said, he's running from his grief. It's too much for him, but how Jack feels isn't something I should govern. So I won't say anything if he wants to start seeing you- There is something I do want to hear about, though: what did you see in my memories when you forced your way inside my head? Tell me it was worth what you did."

Theo sat silently for a moment. 

"Your memories were flooded with Emanon; your thoughts and feelings about her poured out. At the time, I also felt both relieved and angry. I was conflicted; I mistook you and Jack for someone else. I saw the state Emanon was in. I lured her with blood because she was starving, and I thought I was punishing you for what happened to her. I was wrong, and I didn't want to admit it. What happened to you wasn't your fault, the way you reacted. I shamed you for it out of spite, and I'm sorry. You have every right to hate me, and you can reject me without consequence, but I was hoping you could share the pain I inflicted on you that day."