Eminence

Note 22 - Do You Want To Try?

Jack had run down the boardwalk before he got tired and stopped for a breath. Surely, Theo wouldn't be stupid enough to continue to chase him in broad daylight. Although the sun was not at its peak, it was still bright and warm. Theo wouldn't risk burning just for Jack, would he?

"Sir! Look at your face! Are you okay?" Jack heard behind him, and he turned around. 

Sure enough, there was Theo, catching his breath with a heat rash across his nose. face flushed and red. 

"What are you- "

"I'm fine; I just have a bit of a sun allergy. I have some cream to help, though. It doesn't hurt." Theo replied. 

"A sun allergy, huh?" Jack didn't seem too impressed or pleased.

"Would you rather I have not chased after you?"

"You're burning; what if you blister?"

"You'd be alone, though."

"I'm not a child, Theo."

"Do only children get lonely?"

"What do you want?"

"I promised I would stay by your side, did I not?"

"I'm just going to the store, though."

"Yes, but you're upset and looked like you were about to cry."

Jack sighed, grabbed Theo's hand, and pulled him down a side street without people.

"You heard everything, right?"

"I did."

"So you know I don't understand my feelings for Emanon?"

"I do."

"You know I still love Vaan."

"I do."

"You know, I still don't know how I feel about you."

"I do."

"So what? Why still say you think you like me? What's the point?"

"You know I loved Eminence; you know I love Emanon, and I like you. What else is there?"

"What else is there? You'd love someone who has feelings for others?"

"Eminence loved another man, did you know that? She fell in love with a human man; I still loved her. Emanon fell in love with Warren, a human man. I still love her. Am I not allowed to love someone who loves someone else?"

"-That's different, though."

"How is it different? We're talking about feelings, Jack. Are feelings so black and white? I love Emanon or I have feelings for you? You love Vaan, or you have feelings for Emanon? For Me? Do you think allowing yourself to feel for another person means losing your love for Vaan? That he'll disappear from your memories? 

"Is that not what moving on is? I let go of my feelings for him to allow myself to have feelings for you."

"That's not how feelings work, Jack. You love someone, but you don't choose them as a partner. You love someone, and you choose them as your partner. Being together means choosing each other, all feelings included. Insecurities, doubts, conflicting emotions, change, etc., hah, Jack, I'm trying to tell you that I accept everything that comes with you, all of you, the you who loves Vaan, the you who is confused about how he feels about Emanon, the you who doesn't know how he feels about me. I accept all of it and everything to come, too."

"What are you saying when you say you accept me."

"I want you; in this moment, I know I want you. In the previous moment, I knew I wanted to hold you while you cried. I wanted to kiss those tears as they poured down your face. I wanted you to feel loved. I want to hold you right now. Let me hold your hand. My love for Eminence is for her alone. My love for Emanon is for her alone. My feelings for you, Jack, they're all for you."