Complexity is the Majestic - Book 2

She's Mine

"Get high with me..." Ally said sitting on the couch with me.

In all our fights later over connection and wanting, I was weary and basically thinking i'm a serious douche bag.

Ally is beautiful, sexy to me when she WANTS it.

She spends too much time debating her worth, I know that feeling but I can't debate it.

The world doesn't stop turning when you worry. The planet doesn't stop being when you're sad. It just keeps going on and on and on.

"Ok" I said accepting a seemingly innocent cracker dusted with a lump of weed infused butter. She's been into crafting weed into consumables. Getting high is her favorite hobby. It kinda consumed her, much like striping for me. I'm sure my transgression is far worse in the long run though.

I said yes to getting high because its what she wants. She wants it, she thinks it will help our sex lives. Its not sex that I'm really after though. I don't fuck Vera, I get to play the part of someone who has some intimate connection with. Sure its sexy and alluring and it sucks you in- but you're not fucking, that ain't happening there.

Maybe this is what marriage is really? You just get into a flow of how things are. Sometimes close, sometimes lovers, sometimes friends, sometimes who the fuck is that guy or gal?

Three hours later and I don't know what has happened- I'm phasing in and out of reality. She's no where present, I'm watching shows on Netflix and realizing that watching TV high is just as crazy stoner material that I've seen in the movies. Everything is hilarious, some shows carry a whole new meaning.

Ally appears and says- let's go. I nod, sure, what, where we going?

The bedroom. At last, lets do this. But I'm pretty much out of it.

Getting comfortable is an art. Right pillows, right light, right sheets, socks on or off, i'm a socks off guy. Foreplay? Yeah let's do that. Kissing, ok thats working. I feel like I'm at sea, everything moves like a wave over me.

I remember lighting one of the massage candles I got for her for xmas, I wanted to try that. Spice it up. They turned out to be ok, I didn't recall until days later when she told me...

"You were screaming when that hot wax poured on you... " she says laughing in the kitchen.

I totally don't remember that.

Back to the bedroom, sloppy, I'm all over the map.

The next morning I wake up at noon. She's curled up next to me, our eyes meet- we laugh.

"That was.... fun... I think you were too high..." she laughs looking at the clock.

Staring the ceiling I search my memory for fragments of last night. I remember the hot wax but I don't remember it burning me. I recall the make out fest, that was nice and yeah the sex, gah all over the map indeed.

"You coaxed me into another one of your stories..." She said rolling over, her panties back on. She never truly sleeps naked. Stripes tho, love those striped panties.

"What?" I replied, checking to see what the heck I was wearing- nothing, ok then. There. Now I remember, roleplaying. A few months ago we role-played a story about me the trucker and her the waitress at a truck stop- that foreplay to sex, really really worked. It was fun weaving a story that wasn't us.

Am I? Are we? Escaping us?

That trucker role play was hot, primal, down right scary abusive yet totally red neck fun. She enjoyed it to. Last night who told who the story?

"We fished around for a fun narrative but I got ya on the Japanese school girl, who btw, was 18..." she laughed getting up as the cats greet her lovingly.

Face palm. Now I remember. She weaved the story of a Japanaese college girl and yeah.. that worked. I remember it all now, that REALLY worked.

Years ago I worked for a Japanese company and got exposed to Japanese women and man, that was well, yeah. Ever since then, I've always been attracted to me, and their story, the culture, that narrative.

"Oh great.. so we got down but only thru our stories?" I mumbled getting up to get a shower.

"Hey honey.. it worked, but you were really too high.." she patted me on the lower back as I got in the shower.

Erase me hot water. I thought to myself.

Fading away in the shower something wildly apparent occurred to me. Satisfaction. That strong desire for wanting, sexual, attraction- gone. I mean sure turn me on a dime and I'll romp again but that feeling of sex, that release, oh how I miss it. Nothing like a good release. A good romp. Maybe thru romp alone I can get my self back to normal.

Ally is my love. The other day in the car visiting family, she had this look that just grabbed me. Course I wondered.. is she high? Sure enough, she sneaked in a little taste before visiting her parents and sisters. She's dealing with her own complexity, as I do mine.

We all medicate.